Feast at Texas Station

VERDICT: Cheap through and through, price and quality.

I hate buffets. They are orgies of second-rate, poorly prepared food attended by the fat, the poor, and the "family-heavy". That sounds like I'm being snobby, but I fall into two categories myself.

The exception to bad buffets are the "gourmet" buffets in town which are expensive, but delicious.

Alas, we got a 2-for-1 buffet coupon at our local "Texas Station" Casino. Reluctantly, I went. This particular buffet is aptly named "Feast". On the way there, I kept saying, "What is this 'The Feast'?" I was disappointed to learn that it is simply called "Feast" as Greg pointed out.

Of course, there is no easy way to get to "Feast" in the casino. You must wander through the maze of table games and slot machines and observe the happy gamblers as you go. By "happy", I mean "intent" and by "gamblers", I mean "old people with oxygen tanks".

We arrived at "Feast" and were greeted with a Disneyland-esque, snaking-line formed by shiny brass rails. Luckily, it was only half as long as it could be and we made it through within 10 minutes.

"Feast" has food from "around the world". OK...OK the actual name of the place is "Feast From Around the World." I prefer to call it just "Feast". By "around the world", they mean America, China, Mexico, and Italy. I guess that really does represent the world in its entirety. They left out Kazakhstan, but who likes food from there. Also, they have a section named "Salad Bar", so they have America, China, Mexico, Italy, and Salad Bar...oh and Dessert.

I started my adventure with Mexico. Apparently, potato skins are a mexican food. I took one with some sour cream. I also took one of the in-vogue taquitos. When I was growing up, I don't think I ever even heard of a taquito and now they are everywhere. What is the next mexican food craze going to be? I wonder.

At Italy, they had pasta and pizza. I took a piece of pepperoni pizza. The pasta was premixed with the sauce. I don't know why, but pasta premixed with the sauce can only mean one thing, Chef Boyardee. Nothing against the fine culinary skills of Chef Boyardee, but Chef Boyardee and raw conch are the only two foods that actually make me vomit when I taste them. Conch just tastes horrible with a horrible texture. It's like eating someone's tongue that has been soaking in sea water at low tide. I know you think it is mean of me to describe it, but I'm the one who ate it while trying to be polite in front of the people who bought it for me. I tried to swallow it, but kept vomiting it up back up into my mouth. I kept hoping no one noticed me turning pale and having tears stream down my face. Definitely, it was one of my worst food experiences. Another bad food experience was with Chef Boyardee. In third grade, we were working on paper mache when the girl sitting next to me vomited. Mixed with the art project paste, it smelled of sweet and sour bile. When I asked her what she ate, she said Chef Boyardee and pickle juice. No wonder she vomited. Now I vomit, too.

I skipped America where they had corn-on-the-cob, corn bread, and other corn products. I got some of the chicken-fried-rice from china along with some chicken chow mein and a chicken egg roll. Greg got some lemon chicken. They also had some sort of chinese bbq chicken too. I guess they really like chicken in China. They like chicken in Mexico, too. It turned out that my taquito was a disappointment in that it was chicken as well. Maybe they don't like chicken that much, but the casino sure does like chicken for its price.

The worst thing by far was the rice. It was cooked perfectly, but was the worst tasting rice ever. Greg had the spanish rice and he asked if it tasted sour. "No little Greg, it is just the cheapest rice they could find. Cheap and bad." Skimping on rice, how cheap is that?

The next two lands I visited were Salad Bar and Dessert. I got a salad and some dessert, both were OK.

I feel like I need to get my money's worth or get away with as much as I can. Basically, once you pay admission, it's free. The two problems are that I don't like the food and I don't like to feel really full. I'm perfectly happy with a similarly-priced hamburger or even a cheaper taco. I don't feel hungry afterward and I don't feel like a bloated pig either.