Which Wich?

VERDICT: A good and slightly expensive sandwich with a fun and gimmicky way of ordering.

So, I haven't really had the opportunity to go to restaurants that make sandwiches.  Little Greg always insisted that buying sandwiches in a restaurant was a waste of money.  "Why pay so much when you can make it at home for practically nothing!"  The irony of him saying this is that little Greg often berated me for writing that restaurants are pricey.  I'm making it sound like he kept me in a closet, only occasionally opening the door to yell at me and let me go out to eat.  Well, think what you want.

Should a restaurant name be a question?

The gimmick is the way you order.  There are paper bags that you choose from that have sandwich names on them.  You choose the sandwich you want by marking it on the bag and writing your name (free sharpies if you are morally corrupt).  They have a lot of sandwiches to choose from.  I suggest choosing a favorite and then never straying from that sandwich again, not like Greg.  I'm sure he would choose a different sandwich every time.  Well, or stay with one sandwich for 20 years and then choose a different sandwich.  When the previous sandwich says "you can't order me again", he would be all "I thought it would be OK."  Are you effing serious?  You thought it would OK after 20 years of monogamous sandwich eating?  Why would I be OK with that?  Especially when I looked at your phone and saw the texts to the new sandwich and you were all "I love you sandwich", even though you haven't even met the sandwich in person, not to mention the pics sent without a stitch of bread on.  Then you spent $200 of my money to get a makeover before meeting the new sandwich.  How is this OK?

Anyway, you take the bag to the cashier and then pay.  I love this part, because it really does limit human interaction.  I don't really like talking to people if I can help it, especially after being dumped for a younger sandwich...a 20 year old sandwich no less, the same amount of years we were together. 

I got a turkey, bacon, and avocado sandwich.  It was good.  They toast the outside giving the sandwich a crispy baguette without it being to hard to easily bite into.  Now that I have sandwich freedom, I think that I will eat there again.

Gyudon (Japanese Beef Bowl) - Recipe

RECIPE VERDICT - Make this Japanese staple at home.

I lived in Japan for a couple of years and gyudon is a staple there.  Yoshinoya (now with locations in the United States) was the place to go for a delicious, fast lunch.  The Yoshinoya here in Las Vegas is pretty darn close to its Japanese counterpart, but I live nowhere near one.

Ingredients:
Thinly sliced beef (read below)
1 medium onion
Dashi (read below)
Rice (Nishiki is my house preference)
Shichimi togarashi (red pepper mix) (optional)
Pickled ginger (cut) (optional)

Boil dashi.  Dashi is a very important part of any gyudon.  Dashi is basically a flavorful fish stock even though the final product does not taste fishy.  In my search for dashi, I went to my local Japanese market and asked.  They pointed out a rather expensive bottle that needed to be mixed with sake and mirin.  This is probably what I should have done for the best flavor.  However, I'm cheap and I bought a box of dashi powder.

This box came with 5 packets and no instructions in English or Japanese. 

I'm rather shy when it comes to fish flavored food.  I really did not want to eat fishy beef.  I used 1 packet in 6 cups of water, which might be weaker than it needed to be, but err on the side of caution, I say.  Salt the water.

Bring to a boil and add the onion, cut in half and sliced.  Boil for three minutes and add beef.

The beef has to be sliced super thin (seriously thinner than you are thinking).  Many American butchers can't do it.  Sometimes you can teach them, just have them freeze the beef for an hour or more before slicing and then slice it thinner than they think is possible.  The other option is finding an Asian market.  The beef used for shabu shabu is perfect.  This time I used beef brisket point which is flavorful, but not as delicate.  In the case of gyudon, fatty, marbled meat is a plus.

I have never understood the green plastic garnish.  It's everywhere in Japan. 

Put the beef, slice by slice, into the water.  Cook for 5 minutes.  Serve over rice right away if you are hungry.  If you want more flavor, put in the refrigerator for a couple of hours and reheat.

Traditionally, top gyudon with shichimi togarashi and sliced pickled ginger.  However, these are totally optional and acquired tastes.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Depression Spoons - Recipe

RECIPE VERDICT: A quick, easy dessert to make when making an effort drains you of energy.  Perfect for Golden Girl marathons.

This is all you need....in life.

INGREDIENTS:

Chocolate or chocolate/hazelnut spread
Peanut butter
Spoon
Goat (optional)
Golden Girls marathon

This recipe is a perfect last minute creation that you make as you eat it, just like fondue or teppanyaki.

DIRECTIONS:
Put a desirable amount of peanut butter on spoon.  Dip spoon into chocolate spread.  Enjoy.

Gordon Ramsay's BurGR

VERDICT: A very juicy burger served as dryly as possible that makes you question the very nature of existence in the ambiance of a hospital cafeteria in hell.

This is Gordon Ramsey's burger joint in Planet Hollywood in Vegas.  I don't usually review Strip restaurants, because it is usually overpriced tourist trap fare.  I figure that BurGR would provide, at the very least, a unique burger experience.  I had cousins visiting to watch a hockey game and was given the parameters that they wanted a burger or steak.  It was a perfect opportunity to try BurGR.

First, you are greeted with an artistic wall of fire where you wait to be seated.  Nothing is more welcoming after being in the 115 degree summer heat than a nice hot furnace to stand by.  I guess this is some sort of German existential performance art piece.  You get to experience the horror of Hell's Kitchen.  The pain, the suffering, the agony I suppose only add to the culinary experience.  You must suffer before you know pleasure.

Make sure to be seated in the "No Exit" section for a full sensory experience.

The service was excellent.  I would describe the decor as "newly decorated hospital cafeteria in the seventies".  Which I think is in vogue?  I don't know.  Of course, there are televisions broadcasting all the latest in sports, because the world caters to sports lovers and sports are one of two things you'll ever see on televisions in restaurants.  The only other thing being, of course, menus.

The burgers did take a while, but that was to be expected.  One of my cousins ordered a plain burger with nothing on it, which leads me to believe that he gets the whole German existential culinary experience better than I do.  I got a burger with fancy cheeses on  it.  We also split two orders of fries.  So, 4 burgers, two fries, and three sodas came to over $90.

I have a hard time describing the burger, because it was both good and bad...like life.  This would be ideal if I was taking a course in philosophy, but I wanted an all over good burger, not one sprinkled with the bitter disappointments of a life spent in agonizing self-contemplation.  The meat portion was perfection.  I truly have not had a burger patty done to such high standards ever before.  The bun, however, was dry.  I don't mean just without condiments, I mean dry like it had built-in desiccant.  Any juiciness of the burger was offset by the moisture destroying sponges on the top and bottom.  My saliva was not enough.  I found I needed to down food with water.

The fries were unexceptional.  The garlic Parmesan fries did little in the way of flavor.  They were basically a regular order of fries with a sprinkle of Parmesan and garlic on the top, definitely not worth the extra money.  The fries came with different condiments, one of which was curry ketchup, a staple in many European countries and a condiment that just can't seem to make it in the United States.

I'm mixed as to whether to recommend this restaurant or not.  I feel it's great if you want an expensive total sensory German existential philosophy adventure making you see through the veil-covered illusion that is life.  Or if you got the money, try it once.

Pin Kaow

VERDICT: Some food is done very well.  You have to know what to order or you'll be sorry.

Let me start by saying what I don't like at Pin Kaow.  Their curry is not very good.  I don't know what flavor it is that sets me off, but it reminds me of uncooked flour.  I actually can't stand the flavor.  The other thing at Pin Kaow that is horrible is their chicken.  I don't know if they age their chicken before serving it or what.  Their chicken has a strange texture and is quite flavorless, unless, of course, you love the flavor of uncooked flour.

Authentic?  I hope not

Now let's talk about what is good.  Their Thai beef jerky is addicting to the Nth degree.  If you've never had Thai beef jerky, you must try it.  It is one of the best foods in the world.  They take strips of beef and dry them and then, the best part, they deep fry them.  It's served with a sweet and spicy sauce.  It's truly a mouth orgasm that you have to experience.

The other item that I recommend is the Tom Ka Koon, a delicious spicy soup made with coconut milk and shrimp.  The Tom Ka at Pin Kaow has an amazing complex flavor that only comes with good Thai food.  It's another must try.

That's it.  That's all I ever get and all I ever need to get.  As far as I'm concerned, Pin Kaow should change its name to Thai Beef Jerky and Tom Ka Koon store.  Delicious!

Saffron Flavors of India

VERDICT: Indian food in my neighborhood and almost in my price range.

I have no idea why Indian food is so expensive.  I'm sure it has more to do with supply and demand than actual pricing.  Seriously, a reasonably priced option would do an amazing amount of business in Las Vegas.  It's not like Indian food is gourmet in its native country.

In any case, the majority of Indian fare in Las Vegas is centered around the strip or to the East.  Samosa Factory was my go to restaurant, but is now gone.  I was certain that my joy of Indian food was over, but then luckily Saffron Flavors of India came to occupy a strip mall a mere few blocks from my place.  I can go there everyday.  Or rather I could, if I could afford it.  Despite being in a "not-ideal" location, Saffron has the pricing of a strip adjacent Indian restaurant.  Maybe I'm being a little harsh, it may be a couple bucks cheaper.

Now that I've complained about the price, how is the food?  It's good.  Although, I had a really disappointing lunch buffet when they first opened.  While I haven't risked the buffet again, the dinner is delicious.  They will even make a lamb korma (not on the menu) which is delicious.  The quality of the lamb (or mutton, I'm sure) has not been consistent, but I can't complain.  Their dum mutton biryani is superb and I have to get it every time.

They have you give a number for the amount of spicy that you want.  Little Greg, whom I've trained to tolerate more and more spice, likes it at a 5 or 6.  I prefer 7 or 8, but don't recommend that level on a date unless you don't mind having a runny nose in front of a prospective sexual partner.

Oh, I feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention something about quality Indian food.  If the chef has used the correct spices, it should not give you stomach problems.  In addition, when you leave the restaurant there is a little dish with fennel seeds in it.  Eat a small spoonful to avoid later explosions, if you know what I mean.

Hummus - Recipe

RECIPE VERDICT:  This recipe has built in flexibility, so every time you make it, it gets better.

I was so overwhelmingly disappointed with hummus recipes online.  They always end up disappointing, but what was I to do?  All I had to go off of is the recipes I find.  They usually don't offer much in the way of variation.  Sometimes the comment section provides different tips, but alas, even those proved fruitless. I even read a comment where someone was upset that their hummus didn't taste like store-bought.  What?????!?!?!?  Store-bought hummus is not the goal!  Store-bought hummus is the hummus you buy because you can't find real hummus.  It's the frozen pizza of hummus.  You don't make pizza at home and then lament when it isn't as good as frozen.  That's crazy.

I was in search of restaurant style hummus or home style hummus (if your home happened to be in the Middle East).  I had given up hope....until...I was in home of a female chef from Israel and saw how she made it.  The secret?  Lots of tahini!  I've only found recipes that have such a minuscule amount of tahini.  I've read comments where people have stated that they put in less tahini, because it overpowered the hummus.  Bah!!!  Bah, I say!!!  Tahini is delicious.  It is the ingredient that makes hummus so addictive.  It is also one of the more expensive ingredients and therefore often omitted from store bought products.

In any case, this chef was making hummus.  She tasted it and decided it needed a little more tahini and proceeded to dump half a large jar of tahini into a large batch of hummus.  The result was undeniable.  I didn't get to see the first part of the recipe, so I don't know if she used canned or fresh garbanzo beans, but I did see everything else that went into it.  I came up with my smaller batch canned version.

This was a thick batch.  Subsequent batches were thinner and to my liking.

 Ingredients:

1 can garbanzo beans and ALL of the liquid in the can (that's right....ALL!)
1 medium sized clove of garlic (I love garlic and honestly, this is all you need)
The juice of one lemon (I don't want lemony hummus.  One is more than enough.  I even might try without.)
A ton of tahini
Olive oil
More olive oil and paprika on top
Sour salt (citric acid)  I don't have this, but the chef used it.  I think it is fine without it.

Put it all in a medium sized food processor and voila.

I prefer my hummus thin.  That's the first hummus I tried and has always been my favorite.  Most recipes call for the a small amount of liquid from the garbanzo bean can.  Nope, put it all in.

For a recipe this size, online recipes call for 1/3 cup tahini.  While I learned from the chef not to measure, I would say that I put about 1 cup of tahini per batch and would feel comfortable adding more.  Tahini is delicious by itself.  I don't mind if a little garbanzo bean gets mixed in with it.  I don't recommend tahini that comes in a can.  It can be notoriously hard to mix once separated and the canned variety separates a lot.  Sometimes, that's all you can find though.  You make do with what you get.

I find that olive oil tastes good by itself.  Using that logic, I drizzle a lot of olive oil into the food processor while blending.  I just make sure that the hummus is a smooth consistency and forms the equivalent of soft peaks.

Great Harvest Bread Co.

VERDICT: Come for the delicious bread, leave for the atmosphere.

I really like Great Harvest Bread Co.  They do regular sliced bread a service, by making it fresh, preservative free and delicious.  The difference between Great Harvest Bread and Panera is dramatic.  Great Harvest shies away from croissants and danishes.  Instead they focus on white, wheat, and various other basic sliced breads.  They are really good though.  It really makes you detest going back to the normal grocery store fodder.  The downfall, as is with quality, is the price, about $5-$6 per loaf.  They also have cookies and a few bready desserts.

Part deux of this review really has to focus on the experience and atmosphere.  First, I was really excited to find a Great Harvest over by my Costco on Decatur.  I forced Greg to pull over and rush in.  However, there was a group of six or so teenage n'er-do-wells also approaching the store at the same time.  I was determined to get to the store before them and told Greg to hurry or they were going to beat us to the door.  He said, "don't worry, they'll eat up the free samples and you'll get a fresh loaf to sample".  He just said that because he is a lollygagger and hates to "pick up the pace".  I must be getting old since I've already used the terms "n'er-do-well" and "lollygagger" in this post.  Anyway, I let the hooligans beat me to the store.

Inside the narrow store, the teenagers turned out to be less of a threat.  It appeared to be closeted gay boys with their Christian-youth-group-approved girlfriends out having a wild time by venturing to the bread store to get a couple of sandwiches and get an inappropriate amount of free samples.  You know, basically being complete rebels.  They were kind of too outwardly excited about their bread samples in a wholesome way, saying things like "I love bread" and "bread rocks".  It was like those Totino pizza roll ads where the kids wax feverishly about their love of frozen food.

This process actually took a long time, giving me an ample amount of time to give Greg the I-told-you-so eye for being a lollygagger.  Something I'm sure he was oblivious to noticing.  During this time, I was also able to look around at all of the customers sitting at tables.  There were quite a few of them.  I would say at least ten people scattered through the sitting area.  Then it struck me as being incredibly odd.  Every single person was facing the counter.  Every single person was not eating, drinking, or talking.  They were just staring at the counter.  I felt this existential feeling like I was starring in Sartre's "No Exit".  They were the audience and I didn't know that I was in the play.  It was bizarre.  I know, I know, I often accuse restaurants of being cults, as in crEATe and the nearby Salad Creations, but I think I'm on to something. It was odd.  I have no idea what is going on there.

In any case, I get the counter with my Dakota wheat bread (sooooo gooood).  I get my choice of free samples and the girl behind the counter offered me the heel of the bread.  Those n'er-do-well, hooligan, gays and their beards stole my chance for a decent sample.  And Greg's lollygagging didn't help either.

Buzz BBQ

VERDICT: Cold, heavily smoke-flavored food served in a crappy atmosphere.

I had to beg and beg to go to this restaurant.  Greg just wouldn't give in.  He just "knew" that Buzz BBQ would be crappy, just like his bad experiences at other BBQ places in town like Memphis BBQ and the now closed Buckingham BBQ.  Anyway, Buzz BBQ won the Las Vegas Review-Journal Poll Best BBQ of Las Vegas in 2008 and 2009, so how bad could it be?

After eating at Buzz, you realize what a sham these awards are.

By the way, Taco Bell won for best Mexican when I first moved to Vegas.

I finally broke down Greg's resistance with the help of his mother.  We pulled out all the stops.  We even accused him of not wanting to try anything new; something that he relishes to do to me.  I didn't even care if it turned out to be bad.  At least, I would have gotten to try it and get rid of the nagging feeling that I'm missing out on something great.

Right when I opened the door, Greg's eyes seemed to say, "I told you so".  The atmosphere was just hideous.  The walls were painted red and there was a rustic, giant patio arbor covering most of the restaurant. It was brightly lit with cheap-looking tables and brown 70's banquet chairs.

Nothing says cheap like a banquet chair.

Let me break away here and tell you of one of my pet peeves.  I hate it when there is a large, empty restaurant and the hostess sits every group right next to each other.  Why do I have to have the inconvenience of being crammed elbow to elbow when there is plenty of space?  Cramming is, of course, what happened.  The hostess decided to put a large party of frat boys right next to us; they even had to pull tables together.  There were at least 10 other tables to choose, but no, people love to crowd.  In the end, it was for the best.  We got to hear one of the frat boys say, "Collard greens is a green".  Another responded, "so, it is an actual vegetable?"  To which, Greg responded to us, "Quite the Mensa meeting going on over there."

There was quite a wait for our food.  Greg and I shared a three meat combo with ribs, brisket, and andouille sausage.  

1.  The food was cold, despite the waitress bringing it out after I heard "order up" from the kitchen.

2.  The only flavoring on the meat was smoke.

3.  The andouille sausage was really just polska kielbasa (if I wanted kielbasa, I would have heated some Hillshire Farms up at home.)

4.  The sides are not even worth the effort to complain about them.

I would feel remiss if I didn't mention Greg's Mother's obsession with real butter.  She always feels insulted when a spread is offered with bread.  After all, she was the one that felt it necessary to bring her own butter to The Tournament of Kings.  Obviously, Buzz BBQ uses a spread instead of butter.  Greg's mother immediately threw it down and declared how they were monsters for trying to deceive their customers.  It really is just another reason out of many to never go to Buzz BBQ again.

The meal ended with a lot of "I told you so" moments.  Greg never did say it though.  I felt like an idiot all by myself.

Update:  Buzz BBQ (at least at the Northwest location) has gone out of business.  

Texas Star Oyster Bar at Texas Station

VERDICT: Good clam chowder and decent fish and chips....that is it for what you should order.

We went to Texas Star Oyster Bar at Texas Station again last night.  Greg actually asked me halfway through the meal, "Why do we keep coming here?"  Feeling like I was going to vomit later from the food settling in my stomach, I had to reflect.

The good points:
1. It's cool.  It's a fun little, open seafood eatery.
2. The clam chowder is exceptional.
3. The fish and chips are decent.
4.  I assume that if you like raw oysters, that the oyster are good.  I can't vouch for that though, because yuck, raw oysters are disgusting!

The bad points: 
1.  The service is slow, especially during the day when there is only one server.  Let me make that clear the slow service is not the servers, but the fact that they like to keep it understaffed. 
2.  They're expensive for everything other than what you should order (which is the clam chowder and the fish and chips.)
3.  I had the gumbo.  It was unlike any gumbo I've ever had and filled with some spice that I detest, that usually I only find in bad Chinese food.  It was this spice that made me vomity and push the plate away after a few bites.  Greg insists that it was bad crab.  So maybe bad crab is a spice.
4.  Greg had a boil with shrimp, corn, mussels and clams.  The mussels and clams were sandy.  HELLO?!  Did someone miss cooking 101?  Twenty minutes soaking them live in fresh water is all it takes and all that sand goes away.  Also, the shrimp were overcooked, making them extra chewy.


Four good points and four bad points, I guess it is a wash.  I'll have to try it again.  I just wish they would revisit their menu.

Lemon and Mint Marinated Chicken Thighs - Recipe

Very flavorful, cheap and easy.  Even pleases people who don't usually like chicken thighs.

Mix marinade of
4 large smashed garlic cloves ground into paste with 1 1/2 tsp of kosher salt
1/2 cup packed chopped fresh mint or other fresh herb (flat leaf parsley if you are poor)
Finely grated zest of 1 lemon
Juice of one lemon (about 3 tbs.)
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
1/4 cup olive oil drizzled in while wisking

Put salt rubbed chicken thighs (about 4 or 5) into marinade for 1/2 hour to overnight in fridge.  You can use with skin or without, with bone or without, just adjust cooking time.

Cook on medium heat with heavy weight on top (eg. another frying pan with heavy things in it) for five minutes.  Remove weight and cook for another 5 minutes.  Turn over, replace weight and cook until done, 4-6 minutes.

Gobi Jhalfrazie - Recipe

OK, this is a basic Indian vegetarian dish, with cauliflower and carrots that tastes great over rice.  As is normal with Indian food, it is spice heavy.  If you like Indian food, you must invest in some garam masala.  You usually can find it cheap in import stores.  It tends to be overpriced in supermarkets.  You can make your own, by combining a lot of different spices (pictured below).

I like this recipe because it is made with things that I almost always have at home (I've included possible substitutions that I've used).  The only odd item is the cauliflower, which can be substituted with any vegetable.  This recipe tastes good as is, but tastes better the next day reheated.

3 tbs. canola oil (or olive oil)
5 cloves coarsely chopped garlic (or if you prefer a 2-inch piece of chopped ginger or garlic and ginger!)
2 large yellow onions coarsely chopped
2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tbs. ground coriander
5 or 6 large peeled and thinly sliced carrots
1 head of cauliflower, cut into medium sized florets
1 Serrano chile (with or without all of the seeds depending on how hot you want it)
1/2 tsp garam masala
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 cup ketchup to add sweet flavor if desired
1 can of tomato sauce (or preferably two ripe tomatoes cut into medium dice) (whichever you choose will dramatically alter the recipe, so essentially this is like two recipes in one)
1 1/4 cup frozen peas
1 cup water

In a dutch oven, cook garlic (and ginger) over medium-high heat for 30 seconds in oil.

Add the onions and 1 tsp salt.  Cook until edges are brown, about 5 minutes.  Add coriander and stir for 1 minute.  Add carrots, cauliflower, and chile.  Cook, stirring often for 15 minutes.

Add garam masala, cayenne, ketchup, tomato sauce (or tomatoes), peas, 1 tsp salt, and the water.  Simmer and cover for 5 minutes.

Agave

UPDATE: Now closed for business....color me shocked.

VERDICT: This restaurant looks great, but doesn't deliver good food.

First, I should let you know that I ate here for free.  I used a Groupon that I paid for with credit.  You see every time someone signs up with Groupon through the highlighted links and then ends up buying a Groupon, I get a $10 credit.  Don't click on the ads on my blog, but rather click on the Groupon links.  It's free to join and I have to say that it is a lot of fun too....do it, do it, do it...I want $10.

Anyway, the restaurant itself is impressive although an unfortunate shade of pink.  The unique architecture is further marred by the addition of TV's playing sports over the bar.

I immediately knew that I wasn't going to like the meal by the menus.  The menus have what appears to be a cover made out of copper.  That seems all well and good, but copper is not something you want to touch before eating.  Don't believe me?  Take out a couple of pennies and hold them in your hand.  Now smell your hand.  Gross, huh?  If you have a good sense of smell then you are going to smell this every time you raise your fork to your mouth if you don't wash your hands after handling the menu.  I am of the opinion that if you don't have a good enough sense of smell to notice this then you probably aren't a very good cook.

I decided to go safe.  I got the carne asada burrito.  It was flavorless and the meat was extremely chewy.  The brown beans were dry, undercooked, and bland.  I could only finish a small portion of the burrito before giving up.  I would much rather have Roberto's.  Greg got a taco sampler and found he couldn't finish his tacos either.  While he enjoyed the tacos "Al Pastor" (with pork), he couldn't finish the potato and portabella taco.

I've noticed that the people that like this place tend to talk about the cocktails a lot.  I'm thinking that you have to be drunk to like this place.  This barely missed being on my "Worst of Vegas" list, solely because the chips and salsa were good.

Martinis

UPDATE: Martinis is now out of business. 

VERDICT: Come here to talk about your 6-figure deal, not for amazing food.

I got a Groupon for Martinis.  It cost $15 for $35 worth of food.  I didn't even know where Martinis was, but I saw it was near and thought I would give it a try.  I'm all about the Groupons, I recommend all Vegas people take advantage of them.

First, Greg and I noticed the large amount of "luxury" cars in the parking lot.  I'm talking about cars that aren't bought because they are nice, but rather bought to show wealth.  At least, that is what I think of Mercedes and BMW.  They certainly aren't bought because they don't break down and let's leave it at that.

When we entered at around 6:30, we were faced with a crowded bar area.  I mean packed with loud "successful" people, trying to talk louder than each other, as they discussed about how much money they have in some sort of money-fueled mating ritual.  These were the type of people that use phrases like "six-figure deal", "team building", and "after this, I'm going to the gym".  Greg, of course, wanted to leave immediately, as did I.  However, I didn't want to be stuck with a Groupon that I already paid for.  I didn't want this to be a lesson learned about pre-buying food. (Groupon is great...try it, I get $10 if you use my links and buy something).

Luckily, someone was there to assist us to the dining room, which was separated by a wall with fireplaces from the yuppie-packed bar.  The restaurant area was nice and sufficiently separated from the din.  She said that if we waited around, the live music was going to start later.  This only made us want to finish our meal quickly and leave.

We had the pork and shrimp dumplings.  They were good, but only came with 5 tiny dumplings for a substantial price.  I had the flatbread pizza. Among its toppings were pepperoni, Greek olives, and jalapeños.  I love jalapeños, but with the olives, the pizza was too pickle-y.  I ended up taking them off.  Greg had the shrimp scampi, which he reported was good, but the shrimp was slightly overcooked.

All in all, it was good, not great and a little spendy.  A place to see and be seen, which is just not my scene.

Mimi's Café

VERDICT: Bring your own butter...better yet, bring your own food.

I don't get this restaurant at all.  What is it suppose to be?  A family restaurant?  A French restaurant?  A New Orleans restaurant?  Because it fails with all of that.  The menu consists of rather bland café fare.  There is Chicken Cordon Bleu on the menu.  Rather than actual Cordon Bleu, it is deep-fried chicken served with a bright yellow mustard sauce that they have the guts to call Dijon sauce.  The room we were in was decorated as if we were in a New Orleans café, ironically painted with the names of fun, Cajun dishes that were not on the menu. 
I ended up getting the ravioli...I know, I know, how French is that?  The sauce would made Chef Boyardee seem gourmet and the ravioli seemed fresh from the freezer. We went with Greg's mother, who I refer to as the Dairy Queen.  She became absolutely disgusted that they didn't serve real butter with the bread.  It tasted as if it was Promise, a butter substitute..  You may remember her bringing her own butter to the Tournament of King.  She, after finishing with her unbridled disgust, decided to bring her own butter with her on any future trips to Mimi's Café.  I, on the other hand, was not offended by the butter substitute, but will not be returning to Mimi's ever again, with or without my own butter.

Paymon's

I love falafel, but I never get to have it.  Greg always chants, "Falafel is awful."  Partly because he likes the rhyme, partly because he knows it annoys me, and partly because he hates falafel.  I was super excited when he suggested Paymon's for lunch.  He tends to avoid Mediterranean restaurants, because he always says, "Isn't that whole area a little iffy?"  Paymon's serves what I think of as non-threatening food from a foreign country.  Nothing is very strange, falafel is perhaps one of their stranger things on the menu.  Everything is amazingly overpriced.

Greg had the pastitsio, which is basically bland Greek lasagna, something that I could never get excited about.  I had the falafel which had really large patties.  I prefer my patties smaller and crispier.  The fries were just superb though.  I could go to Paymon's for just the fries with their strange mustard like fry sauce.

The thing that pissed me off though is when we ordered a pot of tea.  They have a great selection of tea to order from, but when we asked if we could split a pot of overpriced tea, we were informed that it wasn't allowed.  Really?  Everyone has to get their own POT of tea...not a glass, a pot.  You can't split a pot of tea.  What a joke of a restaurant showing that they really just care about ways to make money!

Paymon's, by the way, is the restaurant that gets called in about on KNPR constantly.  Whenever they have a food critic on, people call in and rave about Paymon's.  It got the point that people at KNPR usually mention that they will not be taking calls about Paymon's and that Paymon's is just all right of a restaurant.  The people that called in about Paymon's apparently were over-enthusiastic employees.

Hash House a Go Go

VERDICT: Impressive LOOKING food...that is all.

Greg and I got so excited to see Hash House a Go Go on the Travel Channel or Food Network or whatever channel they got onto.  Finally, a really fun restaurant in Las Vegas that isn't on the strip.

I've been to Hash House a Go Go several times and I have to say, I'm not a fan.  Here's the deal, the food is impressive looking.  Just do an Google image search for Hash House a Go Go to see some of the creations.  The visual wowness of the food is really the only best part about it.  The biscuits are dry, crumbly and tasteless.  The "homemade" strawberry preserves tastes just like Smuckers.  The breakfast potatoes are bland and often undercooked.  The food that people rave about is basically food that is pretty hard to mess up, like pancakes, waffles and fried chicken.

Basically, the presentation can be summed up as this:  Stack a bunch of large portions of food on top of each other, throw some fried grass of some kind on top of it or uncooked spaghetti, and shove a large twig of rosemary down the middle to make it look fancy

I can throw food on my plate with some weeds at home.  Thanks.

Salad Creations

UPDATE:  Another one bites the dust....This location is out of business

VERDICT: Prepare to barf from either the horrible salad or the outrageous price.

How can you mess up a salad?  Salad Creations will find a way.

This place is weird.  It gave me strange vibes, just like Create did.  There just has to be something about the word "create" that inspires craziness.  I have learned my lesson though and am not going to flat-out call this restaurant a cult....but let's look at the facts.  They serve salads at a salad bar where you aren't allowed to touch anything.  Meat is at a super premium at $2.50 per added serving.  They serve you everything in a generic metal bowl.  Even though they serve everything in a metal bowl, they still only trust the customers with super-small, super-flimsy plastic utensils.

All this that you see before you cost $18.00.

They have this bar set up, where the worker places the food in the bowl for you after you either choose one of the featured salads or choose your own toppings.  Greg got a small Florida Sunshine Cobb for $7 (a large is $9).  A got a large 5 toppings.  The various lettuces are behind the counter in these large hanging bins.  It gives the illusion that they have cut the lettuce fresh.  Perhaps they have, but it tasted like bagged lettuce with the bagged lettuce taste (don't argue with me, I'm a super taster).  All I'm saying is that if it quacks like a duck and it walks like a duck, then....   The salads were horrible.  Greg labeled them "casino-grade", which is merely satisfactory only if it comes free with a meal.  

Look at their stupid hats!  Is that Carol Burnett with the mop?!?

They are trying to market themselves as the healthy alternative, but if they use bagged salads they are falling short.  Bagged salad is often contaminated with bacteria and poop.  Salads are not diet food.  A typical salad at Salad Creations almost always has at least 40 grams of fat or more.  It's the dressing that gets you, so order the vinaigrette.  

The urban dictionary actually has an entry for Salad Creations, which includes, "A place where 30 year-old lonely women come to bitch at the employees about how much they weigh."  This speaks wonders on how Salad Creations is preying on health-conscious consumers and consumers with body image problems. 

Don't buy into the Salad Creations lies.  It's unhealthy, bagged crap.

Try the more reasonably priced, Souper Salad.

Garduño's at the Fiesta - Revisted

VERDICT: My reluctant return visit to Garduño's surprised me with improved quality.

Previously, I had written of how Garduño's was bland and tasteless.  Due to lame circumstances, we had a return visit.  At this attempt, I was determined to find flavor.  I got a three item combo.  I had the carne adovada, chile relleno, and just a plain ground beef burrito.  For those not in the know, carne adovada is a spicy pork concoction.  I figured if they were going to fail to provide spice, it would certainly show in the adovada.

 

Here's a picture of carne adovada.  You can see spiciness, no?

I'm pleased to announce that the carne adovada was flavorful and delicious.  The chile relleno, having a chile right in the name and in the dish would have to be flavorful as well...and it was.  The burrito, my control group, was actually delicious.  Little Greg, who just got three tacos, commented that he thought the quality of the food had improved since last time.  I have to agree. 

One problem with the carne adovada was the large piece of fatty pork I encountered.  Small bits of fat are normal and increase flavor, but this was an obviously large piece of fat that any astute cook, not in a hurry,  would have removed.

Let's visit the salsa bar.  Of course, the salsa bar was one of the things that they always had going for them.  The bean dip is always a favorite.  I also got the green salsa, which claimed to be "medium" and was made from tomatillo and avocado.  I found it to be refreshing like a cucumber.  Greg found it to be just a little too hot.  I also got the salsa diablo, which they claimed to be "hot".  I'm sure it would be hot for Greg, who refused to try it, but I found it to be rather mild.  However, it had a delicious smoky, chipotle flavor which I could not deny as flavorful.  

I take it all back.  Garduño's is no longer a Mexican restaurant for timid, white people.  They don't lay heavy on the spice, but they are no longer afraid of flavor.   At their prices, it is a good restaurant to visit.

 

Midwestern Guacamole - Recipe

RECIPE VERDICT: They'll all come a runnin' for this fancied up version of avocados.

One thing that I can make well is what I call Midwestern guacamole.  This is actually how I grew up making guacamole and for some reason it really upsets guacamole enthusiasts.  At least, it upsets them until they try it.  After they try it, it's like crack and they can't get it in their fat, little mouths fast enough.  The first taste is free, but after that you need to pay!

Anyway, the secret to making anything Midwestern is to add mayonnaise (Ironically, that makes it more French, too.  Ironic in that people in the Midwest tend to despise France.)  I start with however many avocados I have and cut them in half and remove the pit using the cut and twist method.  Greg constantly thinks that I'm going to cut off my hand doing this, but this is how Martha Stewart taught me and I still have all of my fingers.  I score the inside of the avocado and use a spoon to scoop it into a bowl.  I take a regular spoon from the drawer and eyeball the amount of mayonnaise to put in.  I say about a tablespoon for every two avocados.  I then pour in my favorite salsa in an equal amount.  Add lemon juice if you got it to prevent it from turning brown and mash it all together until almost smooth.  Add salsa or mayo to your liking.  You've just made crack there...it's got high street value.

 

I learned something about avocados being stringy.  Stringy avocados are taken out of the maturation process at the wrong time or sometimes they are a certain strain of avocado that has string.  California avocados are rarely stringy, unlike avocados from other countries, so BUY AMERICAN when making your Midwestern guacamole.