Gordon Ramsay's BurGR

VERDICT: A very juicy burger served as dryly as possible that makes you question the very nature of existence in the ambiance of a hospital cafeteria in hell.

This is Gordon Ramsey's burger joint in Planet Hollywood in Vegas.  I don't usually review Strip restaurants, because it is usually overpriced tourist trap fare.  I figure that BurGR would provide, at the very least, a unique burger experience.  I had cousins visiting to watch a hockey game and was given the parameters that they wanted a burger or steak.  It was a perfect opportunity to try BurGR.

First, you are greeted with an artistic wall of fire where you wait to be seated.  Nothing is more welcoming after being in the 115 degree summer heat than a nice hot furnace to stand by.  I guess this is some sort of German existential performance art piece.  You get to experience the horror of Hell's Kitchen.  The pain, the suffering, the agony I suppose only add to the culinary experience.  You must suffer before you know pleasure.

Make sure to be seated in the "No Exit" section for a full sensory experience.

The service was excellent.  I would describe the decor as "newly decorated hospital cafeteria in the seventies".  Which I think is in vogue?  I don't know.  Of course, there are televisions broadcasting all the latest in sports, because the world caters to sports lovers and sports are one of two things you'll ever see on televisions in restaurants.  The only other thing being, of course, menus.

The burgers did take a while, but that was to be expected.  One of my cousins ordered a plain burger with nothing on it, which leads me to believe that he gets the whole German existential culinary experience better than I do.  I got a burger with fancy cheeses on  it.  We also split two orders of fries.  So, 4 burgers, two fries, and three sodas came to over $90.

I have a hard time describing the burger, because it was both good and bad...like life.  This would be ideal if I was taking a course in philosophy, but I wanted an all over good burger, not one sprinkled with the bitter disappointments of a life spent in agonizing self-contemplation.  The meat portion was perfection.  I truly have not had a burger patty done to such high standards ever before.  The bun, however, was dry.  I don't mean just without condiments, I mean dry like it had built-in desiccant.  Any juiciness of the burger was offset by the moisture destroying sponges on the top and bottom.  My saliva was not enough.  I found I needed to down food with water.

The fries were unexceptional.  The garlic Parmesan fries did little in the way of flavor.  They were basically a regular order of fries with a sprinkle of Parmesan and garlic on the top, definitely not worth the extra money.  The fries came with different condiments, one of which was curry ketchup, a staple in many European countries and a condiment that just can't seem to make it in the United States.

I'm mixed as to whether to recommend this restaurant or not.  I feel it's great if you want an expensive total sensory German existential philosophy adventure making you see through the veil-covered illusion that is life.  Or if you got the money, try it once.

Andre's at the Monte Carlo

VERDICT: Preorder the chocolate soufflé.

This is a fine dining establishment on the strip.  I don't do fine dining and I don't do the strip (very often), but I got sucked in to using a Groupon from Groupon.com (quite a fun thing to do, check it out).  It was for $75 worth of food for $35.  I knew that wouldn't cover the whole bill, but Greg had been dying to have a romantic dinner at Andre's for years.  I finally caved in when my cheapness was appeased by using a coupon at a upscale establishment; go ahead and judge me, I don't care.  Besides Greg had worked a ton of overtime and just won $1000 gambling.  How can we not be a little nouveau riche?

 

My first criticism of this place was the seating arrangement.  You, of course, can't see it on the picture above, but our table was along the wall, New York style, I was closer to the person sitting next to me than Greg who was across the table.  It made arguing difficult, which I guess only adds to the romance.  The previous sentence was a little foreshadowing for you literary types.  In way of more foreshadowing, our bill came to $310 before tip, but after Groupon.  I feel for that amount of money, there is no need to shove us together like cattle, but it is in a casino on the down-slide, so maybe they are hard up.

Everything on the menu looked great and a lot of items were only slightly outrageously priced.  Greg asked if I was going to have the chocolate soufflé, because I would have to pre-order it.  I said "no".  He then shot me the dirtiest look, like I just killed a cute, sleeping puppy while shouting racist comments.  I felt that I had to explain that I never have dessert and that I was thinking about a different dessert anyway.  Greg claims that events unfolded differently and that I'm going to make him out to be a monster on the blog.  If you would like to hear his side, please feel free to look at his blog...oh, that's right, he doesn't have one.  Score: me - 1, little Greg - 0.  This ended up being a huge fight after dinner about how I don't live it up and try new things...blah, blah, blah.  The rest of the dinner was fight free though and we have since made up.

Greg decided that he wanted to try the tasting menu, then he decided he wanted to add the two extra courses to make it a full seven course meal at $125 each.  Then he decided to add the wine paring for$90.  That kind of irked me in that he doesn't like wine and I hate the 1000% mark-up on wine at restaurants.  To his credit, he enjoyed the wine immensely, so I can't fault him.  I had the coke, which was served in a tall, thin glass jammed with ice.  They, of course, overcharged for coke and charged for each refill.  $25 for what resulted in basically a swish of coke seems outrageous.  The expensive things in fine dining should be for things that actually deserve the price.  This practice only cheapens fine dining in my opinion.  It makes it seem like is expensive for expensive sake....lame!

The meal began with a small, compliments-of-the-chef crab salad.  I don't know what it was actually, it was about two teaspoons of seafood crap served with a sliver of a potato chip on a cute, little fish plate.  I determined that this little morsel is just to remind you of how bad it could be and that everything afterwards will shine in comparison. 

First course:  A cold crab salad with what appeared to be Japanese radish served on a bed of lemony lentils.  It was delicious.  The crab was perfect, although, I did bite into a stray piece of crab shell.  I, of course, made no fuss about it, because my mother always taught me to pretend like nothing happened.

Second course: One large diver scallop with American sturgeon caviar placed on top served over artichoke puree and hollandaise sauce.  I've had caviar a couple times in my life and always found it too fishy to be enjoyable.  This caviar became pure bliss the instant it touched my tongue.  I can't describe the flavor.  It is unique and heavenly.  It did have a fishy finish, but was well worth it.  The scallop was cooked perfectly and the artichoke puree was the perfect compliment.  I dare say it was better than the first course.

Third course: This is where Greg and I are going to hell.  It was foie gras and was one of the extra courses.  I know, I know, it is horrible how they treat those geese and ducks.  Foie gras has been around since the ancient Egyptians.  I just have to wonder, how did they discover it?  "Hey, grab that goose and force feed it.  When it is good and fat, we'll eat its liver".  However it came to be, I can see how people look the other way to the treatment of fowl.  It was served over apples with some delicious sauce.  It was amazing.  I have only ever had the paté and it always tasted like...well, liver.  This tasted buttery and smooth.  I also find that this would be the perfect diet food.  The memory of it remains on the tongue even until the next day.  Greg and I both hesitated to eat again for fear of losing the flavor.  It also caused some sort of "warm tummy hug", which is my way of describing the feeling you get in your intestines after eating certain foods.  That tummy hug lasted well into the next day as well.  I dare say it was better than the second course.

Fourth course: Pork belly served with a wine reduction.  I was not looking forward to this course.  I'm not a big fan of pork and when it arrived it looked to be mostly fat.  OH MY GOD!  It was the most delicious fat I've ever had.  It melted in my mouth.  When I cook pork, it doesn't do that!  How do they do that?  Even my bacon fat is not delicious.  This was truly amazing.  I could not believe my mouth.  Thisalso added to the tummy hug.  I dare say it was better than the third course.

Fifth course: Ribeye served over mashed potatoes with a wine reduction and a small amount of Roquefort cheese.  The meat was slightly tough and Greg encountered gristle.  It was a let down, but then I knew that ribeye would never overshadow the previous courses.  I dare say this was worse than all previous courses.

Sixth course:  This was one of the extra courses.  It was a slice of goat or sheep cheese served with one hazelnut and a little hazelnut sauce on the side.  It had that horrible after taste that goat or sheep cheese has.  It was like there was a farm in my mouth and everybody was being milked.  Blek!  I dare say this was worse than all previous courses.

Seventh course: Dessert.  This was very exciting for Greg.  He is all about gourmet desserts.  It was a disappointing sampling of three desserts.   It came with a spoonful of flavorless chocolate mousse, a quarter-sized piece of cheesecake and a warm piece of brownie-like chocolate cake.  The cake was good, but certainly not gourmet.  I dare say this was better than the sixth course, but that's that.

All in all, the meal was amazing.  The first four courses really were mind-blowingly good.  I would recommend staying away from the ribeye and maybe getting the individual meals of scallops with appetizers of pork belly and God-forgive-me foie gras.  To avoid fights, pre-order the soufflé.  To save money, stay away from the cola.

Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris

VERDICT: One of the better strip restaurants.  Good quality and not as overpriced as other dumps.

I love Mon Ami Gabi.  It is one of the few strip steak restaurants I can go to and not feel like I've been mugged afterwards.  This is one of the few restaurants in which I don't mind sitting outside.  It really has the French feel where you can sit, eat and watch the tourists walking by.  As an added bonus, you can see the Bellagio fountains going off across the street.  Greg, who always has to sit outside, is in love with this restaurant as is his mother who calls it, "Mon Amy Gamby".  I always correct her, which leads Greg to say, "You not only correct people's English, but you correct their French as well.  You must be fun at parties."  I am, little Greg, I am.

I always get one of the steak frites, which is just what it says, steak and fries.  My favorite is the Steak Roquefort, covered with bleu cheese.  Next time though, I'm going to have to try the Beef Bourguignon.

Grand Lux Cafe - Venetian and Palazzo

VERDICT: This is one of the few decent places on the strip to eat that won't cost you an arm and a leg.

One of the things that I hate about going to the strip is the horrible restaurants.  They are horrible in that they are either very poor quality or they are extravagantly expensive...or both.  That's why I always recommend people go to the Grand Lux Cafe.  They aren't cheap, but at least you get better quality food for your money.  Owned by the same group that brought you the Cheesecake Factory, the Grand Lux has a large menu, but not the phonebook menu with ads that you get at Cheesecake Factory.  The food is a little more upscale I find as well.  

  I love the Asian Nachos (Crispy Fried Wontons Covered with Chicken in a Sweet-Hot Peanut Sauce. Topped with Wasabi Cream and Melted Cheese).  I almost always get the amazing Shaking Beef (Southeast Asian Inspired! Pieces of Beef Tenderloin, Red and Green Onions Sauteed with a Mildly Spicy Marinade. Served with Steamed White Rice).  Also, take advantage of A Box of Warm Homemade Chocolate Chip Pecan Cookies, because they are amazing.  You have to order them at the beginning of the meal, because they do bake them fresh.  I always eat them later at home anyway.

Tournament of Kings

VERDICT: It's liked force labor with bad food.

OK, I know this is on the strip and these are off the strip restaurants, but what local hasn't been tempted by dinner and a show?  You've been warned.

So, Greg's parents were very kind in taking me to the Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur Hotel and Casino in beautiful Las Vegas.

This was a belated birthday gift and I really did appreciate it. The tickets are $55 each and that includes dinner. Let's talk about the food first. Actually, let's talk about Greg's mother first. I call her the dairy queen. Before leaving, she made sure to put a ziploc full of butter in her purse as well as a ziploc full of ketchup. She heard that butter was not provided and being that she occasionally eats just plain butter, well that is just not acceptable. Who thinks of things like this before going out to dinner? This isn't the first time she's done it either.

So, dinner consisted of a small serving of tomato soup...oops I mean Dragon's Blood soup served in a little plastic bowl that you drink out of. Next comes a cornish game hen, cold broccoli, a slightly stale dinner roll, and three large freezer burnt potato wedges. All of this you eat with you hands. The cornish game hen was actually not bad and I don't like cornish game hen.

The beginning of the show consisted of Merlin and a small man showing the audience the proper way to cheer. I hate audience participation, let alone participation the requires pre-determined cheering. We were required to yell "Hazaa!" and raise our hands. We were required to pound the table with our hen-greased palms. We were required to raise our drinks, say "Hear, hear", take a sip and then say "ahhh". We were also required to cheer whenever our section was mentioned. We were sitted in "Hungary". Each section was given a king. Everyone cheered when their king was presented. When France was presented, the rest of the crowd (not in France) booed. I personally don't like Parisians, but the people that I met from Lyons were quite nice. I think the France-hating thing is old. A lot of people don't even know why they are suppose to hate France. Next come the wenches, obviously all former cheerleaders. They would stand in front of you and "encourage" everyone to cheer the correct cheers. It was like having your own private Nazi watch over you. If you didn't cheer, you were singled out and given a stern look. Then the kings had a tournament that included jousting. Interesting to note that the King of Russia was a cheater. He would hit people when they were down and pull dirty tricks. The winner was the King of France, to my personal satisfaction.

The kings whenever they rode or walked by their section would try to get their section to cheer. Our king, the King of Hungary, would just smile and shout "Hungary". I noticed that the King of Austria would look at his subjects and simply glare at them and wave his hand upwardly to get them shout louder. We had a good king even though he performed horribly in the tournament.

Then there was the King of Dragon, who wasn't in the Tournament. He could shoot fire from his hands and therefore was my favorite. He of course ended up being killed. We were reminded by our Nazi Cheerleaders to "boo" him at the appropriate times. Secretly, I was cheering for him though.

Then there were acrobats, a coronation, and some indoor fireworks to round the deal off.