Pin Kaow

VERDICT: Some food is done very well.  You have to know what to order or you'll be sorry.

Let me start by saying what I don't like at Pin Kaow.  Their curry is not very good.  I don't know what flavor it is that sets me off, but it reminds me of uncooked flour.  I actually can't stand the flavor.  The other thing at Pin Kaow that is horrible is their chicken.  I don't know if they age their chicken before serving it or what.  Their chicken has a strange texture and is quite flavorless, unless, of course, you love the flavor of uncooked flour.

Authentic?  I hope not

Now let's talk about what is good.  Their Thai beef jerky is addicting to the Nth degree.  If you've never had Thai beef jerky, you must try it.  It is one of the best foods in the world.  They take strips of beef and dry them and then, the best part, they deep fry them.  It's served with a sweet and spicy sauce.  It's truly a mouth orgasm that you have to experience.

The other item that I recommend is the Tom Ka Koon, a delicious spicy soup made with coconut milk and shrimp.  The Tom Ka at Pin Kaow has an amazing complex flavor that only comes with good Thai food.  It's another must try.

That's it.  That's all I ever get and all I ever need to get.  As far as I'm concerned, Pin Kaow should change its name to Thai Beef Jerky and Tom Ka Koon store.  Delicious!

Capriotti's

VERDICT: Get a large and share these orgasmic sandwiches with someone.

Ever hear of someone talking about Capriotti's?  They get a glazed over look in their eye and their voice drops to reverence.  Capriotti's has some amazing sandwiches.  Their specialty sandwiches are all deliciously decedent.  One is the Bobbie with turkey, cranberries, stuffing, and mayo.  Another is the capastrami (excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye from the rapture), it has pastrami and the most delicious coleslaw you can imagine.

 

This capastrami doesn't look amazing, but your mouth knows better.

The trick to an amazing experience at Capriotti's is to ensure to get one of the specialty sandwiches.  (Also, it helps to know the quality of the pastrami for the day.  Unfortunately, consistency of quality at this particular Capriotti's is questionable.)  So, when my parents came to visit and I hyped up the specialty sandwiches, what did they order?  An Italian sub!?!?!  I criticized my father through the entire ordering process, but he stood his ground and got the crappy sub.  It was like going to the Louvre and only looking at the landscaping.  My father's response was that his sandwich was just OK, which surprised no one.

If you want a mouth orgasm (hmmm, I need to come up with a better term).  If you want a taste orgasm, try a specialty sandwich.  If you want a so-so experience, order a boring sandwich.

Heidi's Brooklyn Deli

VERDICT: Pay the New York price without having to go to New York for these good sandwiches.

I've had on a couple occasions been asked to meet Little Greg at his work, so we can go to lunch together.  On every occasion, I've had to wait for an hour before his break.  Greg always claims, "This never happens!  I always go to break on time".  Way to play dumb, but I'm onto your tricks little one, so watch it.

Anyway, one time, instead of waiting, I went to pick up sandwiches from Heidi's Brooklyn Deli on Charleston.  I found the atmosphere friendly, which Greg later concurred.  The friendly attitude adds a lot, because there are a lot of serious sandwich decisions to be made:  Type of bread?  Toasted?  Meat heated? Side dish?  Type of cheese?  Do you want a pickle on the side? (Yep, they ask that last one).

I had Hell's Kitchen, which was egg salad, bacon, swiss, avocado and a special spicy sauce.  It was delicious, but then again, it was $7.  It comes with a side of either a tiny bag of Lay's potato chips or a tablespoon of potato salad or coleslaw.  The sides are kind of a joke in their size, but after the sandwich I was full.  Greg had the Bronx Bomber, pastrami and egg salad.  Also delicious.

If you are looking for a good sandwich than this is another sandwich stop among many.  It clearly outshines subway and Quiznos, but is on par with Capriotti's.  This place has the added benefit of New York style pricing, which is great for people with too much money.

They also deliver.

Little Dumpling

VERDICT: Another Las Vegas Chinese crap-fest.

I often complain about the Chinese food in Las Vegas as either being crap or too authentically full of chicken beaks and moth balls.  This is just crap.  Although, to its credit, it is cheap crap, which is a nice twist.  I'm used to paying through the nose for crap in Las Vegas.  I thought this little place might be different with its slick look.  Just look at that font on the sign...trendy!

 

It already broke one of my rules:  I never eat at an Asian restaurant that serves food from more than one Asian country.  Chances are that they can only cook one well or even cook neither well.  I can't speak for the Thai food, which there wasn't very much of, but I can say that the Chinese food is bland.  I had the Kung Pao combination.  The shrimp was obviously low quality and not fresh with its overpowering fishy taste.  Overall, I've had more spice from a carrot than was in this flavorless Kung Pao.  Little Greg had the strawberry chicken, which appeared to be deep fried bread stuffed with small nugglets of chicken, covered with store bought strawberry glaze.  That's right, I called them nugglets; they were way to small to be considered even a nugget. 

 

I forgot to mention that flavorless fried rice.  The soup was super thickened and tasteless.  The hot and sour soup was like eating hot gelatin spattered with sparse egg whites.  The corn egg flower soup was like eating hot corn-flavored gelatin spattered with sparse egg whites.

In the way of a compliment sandwich, I must say that the crab rangoon appetizer was deliciously yummy.  By the way, this is an open-faced compliment sandwich.  There is only a compliment at the end.

Pick Up Stix

UPDATE: R.I.P. Pick Up Stix, now out of business.

VERDICT: You have to know what to order at this Chinese take out, then it is good.

Las Vegas has a lot of Chinese restaurants.  I love Chinese food...who doesn't.  The problem with the Chinese food in Las Vegas is that it is too authentic.  It tends to appeal to Chinese taste buds rather than American, so what you end up with is more fish heads and chicken feet than chop suey.  Chop suey is actually American in origin, so if you can find a Chinese restaurant with chop suey, they cater to American tastes.

The Chinese restaurants here either smell like moth balls for some odd reason or they use a spice that makes everything taste like old, wet straw.  I'm being harsh, of course, I'm sure there are good Chinese restaurants, but I'm seriously done experimenting for now.

So, in comes Pick Up Stix....a chain.  The very thing that I want to rally against.  This chain though has good Kung Pao Chicken, no fish heads, and only uses spices I can recognize.  The first time I went, however, I hated it.  I had the horrible orange peel chicken.

There are three types of "tasters" in the world.  50% of people are "regular tasters", 25% are "super tasters", and 25% are termed, "non-tasters".  This happens to be reflective of the number of taste buds that are on the tongue.  As the name implies, super tasters can taste more and non-tasters taste very little at all.  I am a self proclaimed super taster.  I can determine if a cow has been grain fed or grass fed by the taste of milk.  So, I have this to say.  People that like orange peel or anything with citrus zest are non-tasters.  It is like eating the most bitter, inedible garbage.  It's just horrible.  There's a reason everyone throws the peel out.  Everytime, I see someone adding zest to food, I just cringe.  Pick Up Stix adds strips of orange peel.  Silly Pick Up Stix, that goes in the trash.

The other thing to avoid is the sweet and sour.  It has lemon peel.  Blah.

Everything else though is good and fresh.  The vegetables tend to be a little undercooked, which I like and is better for you anyway.  Avoid the teriyaki.  I've never had it, but I've seen people complain about it and it goes against my rule of never ordering Japanese food from a Chinese restaurant.  Wednesday is wonton Wednesday and all cream cheese wontons are 25 cents each, so try to go on Wednesdays.

Cici's Pizza

VERDICT:  The place should be called Cici's Lightly-Flavored Cooked Dough.

I love pizza.  I mean I love pizza so much that it is part of my identity.  A pizza has to be really bad for me not to like it.  So, I was excited to see Cici's Pizza open up so close to me.  A pizza buffet for $4.99!!!  How could I not love it?  And the ads on TV, where the lady gets a salad and then piles on pizza...a salad bar, too?  I'm there.

There's just one problem though.  No one would go with me.  I couldn't go with myself.  I have this thing that I don't like to go to a place with a lot of kids by myself, because I think that it makes me look like a pedophile.  I bet I'm the first restaurant review to include the word, "pedophile"...another great first!!  Anyway, Greg said, "There's a reason that it is only $4.99.  It's crap!"  I then read other reviews that said that the taco pizza is great.  I whined at Greg stating how long it has been since I've had taco pizza and he caved.

Joy, oh joy!  I get to step foot in the promised land that is Cici's Pizza.  We get the the parking lot and Greg is starting to white-knuckle it.  I pry him out of the car and ignore his protests as I enter the restaurant.  First, there is no salad bar.  Rather there are two pre-made salads.  It turns out that the one salad that we did eat was really good, even for having Italian dressing.  That, as it turns out, is the only nice thing I have to say about Cici's pizza.

They basically serve cooked dough here.  The sauce is a mere suggestion of a sauce.  I'm thinking that they use a flavorless red food coloring.  The cheese is spotty and well they have perfected the technique of using no cheese and making it look like some cheese.  What we end up having then is bread with various illusions of toppings.  Yes Virginia, there is such a thing as bad pizza.  My taco pizza....a myth.  They never put any out, but I doubt it would have been of any different flavor.

That being said, kids are dumb and will love it.  So, it is a good cheap place to take the dumb children that you might be raising.

Gordon Biersch - Boca Park

VERDICT:  I don't get the appeal of this place, but everyone else seems to love it.

It's hard to believe that I've only recently gone to Gordon Biersch.  This place is very popular.  Actually, I've heard reports that Gordon Biersch near the strip is actually a bit of a meat market.  Watching the mating habits of straight, young hipsters is actually pretty disgusting to me, so I've always avoided the place.

So, how did I end up there?  The Poo-Poo game™!  The Poo-Poo game™ is the smartest thing that I ever invented, although I think I need to rethink the name.  The Poo-Poo game™ is used whenever two or more people want to go out to eat (it can work for eating at home too though).  It used to be that when Greg and I had to choose a place to eat, we would end up in endless repeating cycles of saying "I don't know.  Where do you want to eat?"  Greg then would expect me to rattle off restaurants until I named one that pleased him.  The problem was that I could go through the entire phone book, showering him with the name of every restaurant and still he wouldn't hear anything that he liked.  What a princess?!?

The Poo-Poo game™ is easy to implement and take care of all that BS.  It's as simple as making a suggestion and when the other person disagrees with or "poo-poo's" that selection, you say "You poo-poo'ed, now you choose."  Greg hates this, because I'm no longer showering him with choices.  It makes him come up with suggestions, too.  If I don't like his suggestion, I also have the option of poo-poo'ing him.  It goes back and forth until no one poo-poo's.  Of course, one of the rules of the Poo-Poo game™ is that you can't repeat the same restaurant twice.  As an added bonus, if the other person names a restaurant that they know no one likes and it is not poo-poo'ed, it becomes a game of chicken.  Who is going to cave and admit that they want to poo-poo it and come up with another suggestion?  This really is the most democratic way of restaurant choosing.

Anyway, it was the Poo-Poo game™ that made us end up at Gordon Biersch.  It was Greg's suggestion and I've secretly always wanted to try it and see what the fuss was about.  OK, first, I have to admit that I thought it was a German restaurant...it isn't.  It has German beer and that is the extent of the German-ness.  That's not a bad thing.  I'm not a big fan of bland sausage with soured cabbage followed by a flavorless, sugar-dusted, dry pastry for dessert.  Instead they have an assortment of pub food and some restaurant items bordering on Applebee's territory.

I confess, I didn't have a restaurant item, which might have been delicious, but I didn't want to spend a lot of money and while they were not that expensive, I just wasn't even in the mood for moderately priced food.  I ended up have the Kobe Beef Burger.  I have had Kobe beef before, in steak form.  I actually had it in Japan and it was amazing, tender and flavorful.  I couldn't imagine what Kobe hamburger would taste like.  The hamburger that I got was dry and flavorless.  I've read elsewhere that their burgers are notoriously dry.  Greg got the corned beef sandwich which was good, but you could get better at a pub for less.

Their notorious garlic fries were unremarkable in my eyes, but they take great pride in them.

I'm sure the restaurant food is better, but for good pub food, find a local pub!

Pizza Hut - Lunch Buffet

UPDATE:  RIP Pizza Hut pizza buffet.  Out of business.  I guess I'll have to travel to the 80's to try you again.
VERDICT: An genuine 80's experience right down to the price.

If you are looking for a review of Pizza Hut, you are an idiot.  Everyone knows what Pizza Hut has and tastes like by now.  If you have bad service or experience at a Pizza Hut chances are that in a month it will be different anyway because of turnover.  I guess you can critique management style.  All in all, I find that most Pizza Huts are the same and if they aren't they become the same eventually.

I'm here to talk about their lunch buffet at this particular pizza hut.

You have a small window during the week to get to this Pizza Hut to experience the Pizza Hut lunch buffet.  These were a lot more popular in the 80's when almost all the Pizza Huts were more than just a take out counter, but they all had dining rooms as well.  In fact, I recommend dressing in your best 80's attire when visiting this Pizza Hut.  The atmosphere is a shining example of the pinnacle of conservative 80's decorating.  They have green glass lanterns hanging from plain gold colored chains.  Fake spider plants and fake ivy are scattered throughout and the tables are the traditional particleboard with obvious fake wood grain laminated on top of it.  They even have a clock that says time for pizza and the second hand zooms quickly around  every 5 seconds.  Of course, the actual time on the clock is wrong.  I'd say this is the perfect place to bring someone that has romantic notions about the 80's.  This is what it was really like, not tubular, not awesome, but rather a restaurant's attempt of recreating the atmosphere of someone's poorly decorated study.  Heck, take the kids for a history lesson.

It is $6 without drink.  The drink is where they get ya!  It comes with a salad bar and a pizza bar with pasta and breadsticks.  They are pretty good about getting pizza out, but you got to fight the other people to get to the fresh stuff.  They're pretty greedy there.  Greg saw a lady take six pieces of a fresh pizza.  What the???  I think I had three pieces max with a salad and I felt stuffed.  I managed to cram one more piece in though because of the buffet mentality.

7000 W Charleston Blvd
Las Vegas NV 89117

(702)363-3612

Hours posted above

Roberto's

VERDICT: 24 hour restaurants are always a plus on this blog.  This restaurant comes with a delicious high-grease warning though.

I think that every city has a late night Mexican restaurant that every club hopper knows about and reveres.  This is that place.  It's the grease.  Drunk people love grease.  I have to admit after a night of drinking, nothing cures a hangover better than super greasy Mexican food.  Don't ask me how it works.  My standard hangover cure used to be Taco Time, but there is only one Taco Time in Las Vegas and it is too far away for me.  Also, I don't really drink very often anymore. 

Oh man!  Let's talk about Taco Time for a second.  Their food is not spectacular as a whole, but the crisp meat burritos, the taquito before taquitos were in vogue, are pure deep fried heaven.  I love Taco Time and miss it.  I love Taco Time so much that one day I even ended up in the emergency room vomiting blood apparently from Taco Time related food poisoning and I still went to Taco Time.

Greg was driving around one day and I saw that they were putting a Taco Time in my neighborhood.  I screamed like a woman getting a free car on Oprah.  It scared Greg, but he immediately understood that it was not an overreaction.  I was so excited to have Taco Time again.  I went it and the manager took my order.  I ordered a crisp meat burrito and mexi-fries.  He then snorted and said, "You know mexi-fries are just tater tots."  My shoulders immediately slumped.  Of course, I knew that mexi-fries were just tater tots (with fancy mexi-spice).  I love tater tots.  I loved them even before Napoleon Dynamite.  It was a sure sign that this Taco Time wasn't going to last, not if the manager is berating one of their better products.  When I got my crisp meat burrito, it was frozen in the middle and the mexi-fries were undercooked.

It went out of business within 2 months.

Anyway, Roberto's has it's own kind of atmosphere.  They have pictures of a lot of the food they have on a menu.  What gets me is that even on the pictures, they are still displayed on styrofoam plates.  I just figured that if they were going to have appetizing pictures maybe they could have a better display.  Even McDonald's has pictures of Big Macs on a cutting board surrounded by fresh vegetables on their menus, as if that's believable.

There are a lot of Roberto's in Las Vegas.  The problem with Roberto's is that they don't really have health food.  In fact, I would go so far as say that they have unhealth food.  I watched them prepare my carne asada nachos (the best thing on the menu).  Not only do they deep fry the already cooked tortilla chips, they also take out a ladle and dip it into the deep fat fryer and pour it on the chips!!!!  Now, that's flavor!  The healthy bonus, given as if an apology for all the grease, is the spicy carrots in their salsa bar.  They are delicious and help soak up the grease.

Many Roberto's are 24 hours!

Krung Siam

VERDICT: Typical Thai, but the only Thai open 24 hours! Really it is only open until 6:00AM.  That's close enough to 24 hours for me!

A Thai Restaurant open late in Las Vegas?  You would expect to find this in Las Vegas, but really late night restaurants off the strip are rare, unless they are a crappy pub serving deep fried sandwiches with fries.

This place rocks at 4:00 AM!  Their Tom Yum soup is delicious and flavorful.  We ordered our spiciness at a "5" out of "10" and we could have gone higher.  Thai food can get very spicy...so much so that even spice lovers can shy away from going all out, but they seem to tame their spiciness for gringos.  If you like jalapeños, I suggest a "7".  If you like habaneros, might as well go to "10".

Thai beef jerky is a must have for anyone.  It thick pieces of meat that they deep fry!  What they take something great and make it greater?!?!  I know....yum.  It's flavor is greatly complemented with a pinch of sticky rice, the traditional way to eat Thai beef jerky.

They have a typical Thai selection with prices around $9 - $15, which is typical for Thai food.

Atmosphere: Well, when I went at 4 in the morning, they were blasting Thai karaoke even though nobody was singing.  By blasting, I mean we had to shout over each other.  We asked them to turn it down, which they did happily from a volume of "10" to a volume of "9.5".  It is otherwise clean and cozy.

The sign reads open until 6:00 AM.  Who wants Thai food for breakfast anyway?

3755 Spring Mountain Rd
735-9485
24 hours!

Café Verdi

VERDICT: Cheap, but good pizza (that will kill you)

This is cheap pizza.  By cheap, I mean not expensive.  OK, maybe it isn't the best quality.  The pizza is really greasy, which is a sign of inferior ingredients. But yum!  I think the flavor of the sauce and the quality of the pepperoni make a pizza.  They make up for the inferior cheese by giving you a lot of it.  $6.99 for a one topping 16" pizza for pick up only is all I ever need.  They also have specialty pizzas including greek and spicy buffalo pizzas.

But there's more, I tried the garlic balls.  These have got to be the worst thing for you.  They deep fry dough and cover it with garlic and butter.  You get 20 of these artery clogging pieces of buttery heaven for only $2.99.  What??!?!  I know, I know, usually killing yourself with obesity induced diabetes is a little more expensive.  These are a must try.  They are to die for...literally.

They also have philly steaks, sandwiches, calzones and hamburgers, but I can't ever get past the pizza.  Why order anything else?

Atmosphere:  OK, this is where we run into problems.  It's an undecorated beige and white blah-scape in a strip mall.  It also has a strange smell that comes and goes.

All the workers appear to speak some Eastern European language that I can't quite make out and they have anti-evil eye protection on the walls.  They are all extremely friendly and well, they make damn good pizza.

5861 W. Craig Road
369-9511
Mon-Wed 10-10
Thu-Sat 10-12
Sun 12-12