Cici's Pizza

VERDICT:  The place should be called Cici's Lightly-Flavored Cooked Dough.

I love pizza.  I mean I love pizza so much that it is part of my identity.  A pizza has to be really bad for me not to like it.  So, I was excited to see Cici's Pizza open up so close to me.  A pizza buffet for $4.99!!!  How could I not love it?  And the ads on TV, where the lady gets a salad and then piles on pizza...a salad bar, too?  I'm there.

There's just one problem though.  No one would go with me.  I couldn't go with myself.  I have this thing that I don't like to go to a place with a lot of kids by myself, because I think that it makes me look like a pedophile.  I bet I'm the first restaurant review to include the word, "pedophile"...another great first!!  Anyway, Greg said, "There's a reason that it is only $4.99.  It's crap!"  I then read other reviews that said that the taco pizza is great.  I whined at Greg stating how long it has been since I've had taco pizza and he caved.

Joy, oh joy!  I get to step foot in the promised land that is Cici's Pizza.  We get the the parking lot and Greg is starting to white-knuckle it.  I pry him out of the car and ignore his protests as I enter the restaurant.  First, there is no salad bar.  Rather there are two pre-made salads.  It turns out that the one salad that we did eat was really good, even for having Italian dressing.  That, as it turns out, is the only nice thing I have to say about Cici's pizza.

They basically serve cooked dough here.  The sauce is a mere suggestion of a sauce.  I'm thinking that they use a flavorless red food coloring.  The cheese is spotty and well they have perfected the technique of using no cheese and making it look like some cheese.  What we end up having then is bread with various illusions of toppings.  Yes Virginia, there is such a thing as bad pizza.  My taco pizza....a myth.  They never put any out, but I doubt it would have been of any different flavor.

That being said, kids are dumb and will love it.  So, it is a good cheap place to take the dumb children that you might be raising.

Pizza Hut - Lunch Buffet

UPDATE:  RIP Pizza Hut pizza buffet.  Out of business.  I guess I'll have to travel to the 80's to try you again.
VERDICT: An genuine 80's experience right down to the price.

If you are looking for a review of Pizza Hut, you are an idiot.  Everyone knows what Pizza Hut has and tastes like by now.  If you have bad service or experience at a Pizza Hut chances are that in a month it will be different anyway because of turnover.  I guess you can critique management style.  All in all, I find that most Pizza Huts are the same and if they aren't they become the same eventually.

I'm here to talk about their lunch buffet at this particular pizza hut.

You have a small window during the week to get to this Pizza Hut to experience the Pizza Hut lunch buffet.  These were a lot more popular in the 80's when almost all the Pizza Huts were more than just a take out counter, but they all had dining rooms as well.  In fact, I recommend dressing in your best 80's attire when visiting this Pizza Hut.  The atmosphere is a shining example of the pinnacle of conservative 80's decorating.  They have green glass lanterns hanging from plain gold colored chains.  Fake spider plants and fake ivy are scattered throughout and the tables are the traditional particleboard with obvious fake wood grain laminated on top of it.  They even have a clock that says time for pizza and the second hand zooms quickly around  every 5 seconds.  Of course, the actual time on the clock is wrong.  I'd say this is the perfect place to bring someone that has romantic notions about the 80's.  This is what it was really like, not tubular, not awesome, but rather a restaurant's attempt of recreating the atmosphere of someone's poorly decorated study.  Heck, take the kids for a history lesson.

It is $6 without drink.  The drink is where they get ya!  It comes with a salad bar and a pizza bar with pasta and breadsticks.  They are pretty good about getting pizza out, but you got to fight the other people to get to the fresh stuff.  They're pretty greedy there.  Greg saw a lady take six pieces of a fresh pizza.  What the???  I think I had three pieces max with a salad and I felt stuffed.  I managed to cram one more piece in though because of the buffet mentality.

7000 W Charleston Blvd
Las Vegas NV 89117

(702)363-3612

Hours posted above

Feast at Santa Fe Station

VERDICT: One of the better local casino buffets if you choose wisely.

I've been harsh to "Feast at Texas Station", however, Feast at Santa Fe Station is subsidized by slot machines that never pay out.  This affords for higher quality food than at Texas Station, which inexplicably also has slot machines that never pay out.  With a players card, the buffet at Santa Fe Station is a little more expensive at $14.99 a person, but how can you resist it when you always get 2 for 1 coupons in the mail.  Keep in mind that if you gamble while you are there, the meal can end up costing you hundreds of dollars or in my case $40 in a matter of minutes at a penny slot.

I still don't like buffets.  I feel like I have to stuff myself like I'm getting away with stealing food from the casino.  I was surprised by the good quality of the following items:  Peel and eat shrimp, gourmet pizza with sun dried tomatoes, wontons that you can put in soup or eat by themselves, Chinese pork buns.

Here's a picture of the Chinese pork buns in a bamboo basket.

I was not impressed with their hot and sour soup or their carving station selections.  Greg said that the macaroni and cheese was also bad as he was trying to stuff more down his gullet.  I asked him why he was still eating it and he said that he didn't want to waste it.  I had to remind him that we weren't in China and to put the fork down.  One thing that we don't do is take large amounts of an item, so it wasn't a huge waste.  Ever see those people get excited by crab legs and they pile their plate to the ceiling, only to eat a few.  We don't do that.  Just take a little and if you like it you can have more later.  If it tastes like poop, well, you've only wasted a little bit.

After I finish a plate, Greg always asks if that is it.  Well, I'm full.  Why cause myself pain?  He subscribes to the get-as-much-as-you-can mentality.  I did manage to stuff in a few more wontons and a piece of pizza.  I'm turning into the fat guy you see at buffets and secretly think, "they shouldn't eat at a buffet," as you watch them finish plate after heaping plate of fried chicken.  Luckily, I go to buffets rarely so I'm not breaking any chairs under my immense weight...yet.

UPDATE: Return visits by friends has indicated that the quality is not consistent, sometimes good, sometimes bad.  I guess that is why they call it gambling. 

Feast at Texas Station

VERDICT: Cheap through and through, price and quality.

I hate buffets. They are orgies of second-rate, poorly prepared food attended by the fat, the poor, and the "family-heavy". That sounds like I'm being snobby, but I fall into two categories myself.

The exception to bad buffets are the "gourmet" buffets in town which are expensive, but delicious.

Alas, we got a 2-for-1 buffet coupon at our local "Texas Station" Casino. Reluctantly, I went. This particular buffet is aptly named "Feast". On the way there, I kept saying, "What is this 'The Feast'?" I was disappointed to learn that it is simply called "Feast" as Greg pointed out.

Of course, there is no easy way to get to "Feast" in the casino. You must wander through the maze of table games and slot machines and observe the happy gamblers as you go. By "happy", I mean "intent" and by "gamblers", I mean "old people with oxygen tanks".

We arrived at "Feast" and were greeted with a Disneyland-esque, snaking-line formed by shiny brass rails. Luckily, it was only half as long as it could be and we made it through within 10 minutes.

"Feast" has food from "around the world". OK...OK the actual name of the place is "Feast From Around the World." I prefer to call it just "Feast". By "around the world", they mean America, China, Mexico, and Italy. I guess that really does represent the world in its entirety. They left out Kazakhstan, but who likes food from there. Also, they have a section named "Salad Bar", so they have America, China, Mexico, Italy, and Salad Bar...oh and Dessert.

I started my adventure with Mexico. Apparently, potato skins are a mexican food. I took one with some sour cream. I also took one of the in-vogue taquitos. When I was growing up, I don't think I ever even heard of a taquito and now they are everywhere. What is the next mexican food craze going to be? I wonder.

At Italy, they had pasta and pizza. I took a piece of pepperoni pizza. The pasta was premixed with the sauce. I don't know why, but pasta premixed with the sauce can only mean one thing, Chef Boyardee. Nothing against the fine culinary skills of Chef Boyardee, but Chef Boyardee and raw conch are the only two foods that actually make me vomit when I taste them. Conch just tastes horrible with a horrible texture. It's like eating someone's tongue that has been soaking in sea water at low tide. I know you think it is mean of me to describe it, but I'm the one who ate it while trying to be polite in front of the people who bought it for me. I tried to swallow it, but kept vomiting it up back up into my mouth. I kept hoping no one noticed me turning pale and having tears stream down my face. Definitely, it was one of my worst food experiences. Another bad food experience was with Chef Boyardee. In third grade, we were working on paper mache when the girl sitting next to me vomited. Mixed with the art project paste, it smelled of sweet and sour bile. When I asked her what she ate, she said Chef Boyardee and pickle juice. No wonder she vomited. Now I vomit, too.

I skipped America where they had corn-on-the-cob, corn bread, and other corn products. I got some of the chicken-fried-rice from china along with some chicken chow mein and a chicken egg roll. Greg got some lemon chicken. They also had some sort of chinese bbq chicken too. I guess they really like chicken in China. They like chicken in Mexico, too. It turned out that my taquito was a disappointment in that it was chicken as well. Maybe they don't like chicken that much, but the casino sure does like chicken for its price.

The worst thing by far was the rice. It was cooked perfectly, but was the worst tasting rice ever. Greg had the spanish rice and he asked if it tasted sour. "No little Greg, it is just the cheapest rice they could find. Cheap and bad." Skimping on rice, how cheap is that?

The next two lands I visited were Salad Bar and Dessert. I got a salad and some dessert, both were OK.

I feel like I need to get my money's worth or get away with as much as I can. Basically, once you pay admission, it's free. The two problems are that I don't like the food and I don't like to feel really full. I'm perfectly happy with a similarly-priced hamburger or even a cheaper taco. I don't feel hungry afterward and I don't feel like a bloated pig either.