One thing that I can make well is what I call Midwestern guacamole. This is actually how I grew up making guacamole and for some reason it really upsets guacamole enthusiasts. At least, it upsets them until they try it. After they try it, it's like crack and they can't get it in their fat, little mouths fast enough. The first taste is free, but after that you need to pay!
Anyway, the secret to making anything Midwestern is to add mayonnaise (Ironically, that makes it more French, too. Ironic in that people in the Midwest tend to despise France.) I start with however many avocados I have and cut them in half and remove the pit using the cut and twist method. Greg constantly thinks that I'm going to cut off my hand doing this, but this is how Martha Stewart taught me and I still have all of my fingers. I score the inside of the avocado and use a spoon to scoop it into a bowl. I take a regular spoon from the drawer and eyeball the amount of mayonnaise to put in. I say about a tablespoon for every two avocados. I then pour in my favorite salsa in an equal amount. Add lemon juice if you got it to prevent it from turning brown and mash it all together until almost smooth. Add salsa or mayo to your liking. You've just made crack there...it's got high street value.
I learned something about avocados being stringy. Stringy avocados are taken out of the maturation process at the wrong time or sometimes they are a certain strain of avocado that has string. California avocados are rarely stringy, unlike avocados from other countries, so BUY AMERICAN when making your Midwestern guacamole.