Melting Pot

VERDICT: Expensive food that you could make easily at home, but I like it.

I love cheese fondue.  I love the traditional Swiss fondue.  Greg does not like fondue or rather he doesn't like the prepackaged fondue that you can buy in the supermarket.  Luckily, my parents came to town and that throws his vote out the window.  3 to 1, how do you like fondue now, Greg?  They have the whole meal set up in four courses.  First, you have a choice of cheese fondues, followed by a salad.  The main course is an oil or broth fondue where you cook the food that you choose at the table, which is followed by dessert.

Everything was delicious.  The courses seemed to be spread out over a long period time.  I don't know if this slowness was because we had a horrible waiter or if it was on purpose.  Either way, it made for an enjoyable meal that included my mother saying, "Ladies like to eat salads in front of other ladies."  A gem of wisdom that I will never forget.

The dessert is a must have.  I never order dessert in a restaurant, but I'm so glad I did.  It's a chocolate fondue that they give you an assortment of things to dip into including fruit and marshmallows.

The overall opinion of our group was that it was all too expensive.  The cheese and the dessert were the best part, so if you are going and want to save some money just order those (maybe with an extra portion of cheese).  Greg even liked it, but has since refused to ever return because of the price, "Why get it out when you can make it yourself?"  Of course, he never has and I'm way too lazy to deal with even looking up recipes.  That being said, if you really want to save some money, get down that dusty fondue pot that your friend gave you.  It really is a fun and easy dish to make, maybe just pay the Melting Pot a visit to get ideas.

Sushi Loca

VERDICT: Shove it in your face hole - Xtreme Sushi for the eternally hip that don't have time to be bothered with anything that doesn't come with a warning.

My first problem with Sushi Loca is the name.  It sounds like Mexican Sushi, right?  For some reason, all I can imagine is a California roll deep fried and smothered in cheese and enchilada sauce.  Luckily, that isn't on the menu, however, it was a hindrance in getting in the door.  Greg also refused to eat at a place with such misleading name.  I had to agree with him.  I long ago set the rule that I never eat Japanese food from a restaurant that has Chinese food for the simple reason that Chinese people can't cook Japanese food well.  I am pleased to announce that there isn't a taquito roll on the menu.  There are some spicy rolls and perhaps that is the association with the name "Loca". 

The atmosphere is slick, red, bright, and ultra-modern.  The music is a soundtrack of dance songs that have annoyed me throughout time.  All the way from "Kung Fu Fighting" to "Everybody Dance Now" to the Black Eyed Peas song that seemed to be written solely to get played at every Bar Mitzvah from now 'til eternity.  Way to corner the Jewish market, Black Eyed Peas!  These songs are blasted, too.  To the point that Greg could not hear me very well and he's got super hearing.  So, he ended up devolving into a go-go boy that had to bop to the beat, which can be quite distressing for me to watch.

We got the Jackpot roll and the Megabucks roll.  The Jackpot roll was OK, but Greg thought it was too spicy.  The Megabucks roll was cold, like it just came out the freezer.  I'm used to sushi being room temperature and I didn't care for the icebox sushi.  So, I don't recommend their "fancy" rolls.  I had every intention in "going cheap" and only ordering traditional rolls, but I always get sucked into trying house rolls.  As far as house rolls go, there are a lot of them, but there isn't much variation in them.  They all appear to be various combinations of salmon and cream cheese or crab and avocado smothered with different sauces.  I really should have just gotten the good ol' staples.  The California roll I got was delicious.  Greg said that I should be ashamed because the California roll seems like such an insult to Japanese food (compared to the Megabucks roll?!?  Ha!).  Anyway, if you are going to order sushi in this dance club of a Mexican/Japanese restaurant than I suggest keeping is simple: tuna roll, California roll, tamago...etc.

Greg also got the tonkatsu.  They did not provide karashi, but they did put the tonkatsu sauce on the side.  Since Greg doesn't like karashi, it wasn't a big deal.  I, on the other hand, would have been bummed out.

Osaka - Sahara Location

VERDICT: The most authentic Japanese restaurant in Las Vegas.

I lived in Japan for two years and consequently I ate food there.  I grew to love Japanese food even more than before I moved there.  Not just the stuff you are used to eating in generic Japanese restaurants, but also the regular, daily food....the meat and potatoes, if you will.  When I came back to America I was devastated that I could not find any restaurant that prepared it quite the way that I had it in Japan, nor the types of food that I had in Japan.  For example, I did not have teriyaki once in Japan...OK, I had it once at McDonald's of all places.  They had a teriyaki burger, which was absolutely horrible.  Here in America, you would be hard pressed to find a Japanese restaurant that didn't have teriyaki. 

One of my favorite dishes from Japan was tonkatsu, which is a pork cutlet pounded thin, deep fried with panko, and served with shredded cabbage, karashi (Japanese hot mustard), rice and tonkatsu sauce.  It's very simple and delicious.  The combination of flavors is exquisite.  So much so that if I eat tonkatsu without cabbage, I don't like it.  It all goes together magically.  Osaka does tonkatsu right.  I hate it when I go to a Japanese restaurant and order tonkatsu and they dribble the sauce over the pork rather than serve it on the side.  It just isn't right and it lacks the right flavor.  The other thing that I hate is when you ask the waiter for hot mustard (or karashi) and they act like you're absolutely insane.  At least, where I lived, on Hokkaido, karashi was always served.

They also have various donburi, which is a staple in Japan.  Their oyakodon is exactly Japanese style.  Oyakodon means family bowl.  While that sounds like it is food for the whole family, it is called that because you are eating the whole family, chicken and egg, cute and morbid, very Japanese.

They have a teppanyaki room as well (think Benihana), and a sushi bar.  I prefer to eat my tonkatsu in the tatami mat rooms though.  They also have shabu-shabu, which is a boiling pot that you cook food in at the table.  Greg doesn't like shabu-shabu, because who wants to cook when they go out.  He does have a point.  I don't like Osaka's shabu-shabu because they don't bring the best assortment of boilable vegetables and noodles. 

They even have onigiri, another daily Japanese food (you have to ask for it, not on the menu).  Onigiri is a rice ball and it seems like you can make it yourself, but it never turns out right for me.  They make it perfectly.

Their sushi is good, but expensive.  I usually get one roll, the Oh-My-God roll.  I don't know what is on it, but it will make your eyes roll back in your head from deliciousness. 

Cici's Pizza

VERDICT:  The place should be called Cici's Lightly-Flavored Cooked Dough.

I love pizza.  I mean I love pizza so much that it is part of my identity.  A pizza has to be really bad for me not to like it.  So, I was excited to see Cici's Pizza open up so close to me.  A pizza buffet for $4.99!!!  How could I not love it?  And the ads on TV, where the lady gets a salad and then piles on pizza...a salad bar, too?  I'm there.

There's just one problem though.  No one would go with me.  I couldn't go with myself.  I have this thing that I don't like to go to a place with a lot of kids by myself, because I think that it makes me look like a pedophile.  I bet I'm the first restaurant review to include the word, "pedophile"...another great first!!  Anyway, Greg said, "There's a reason that it is only $4.99.  It's crap!"  I then read other reviews that said that the taco pizza is great.  I whined at Greg stating how long it has been since I've had taco pizza and he caved.

Joy, oh joy!  I get to step foot in the promised land that is Cici's Pizza.  We get the the parking lot and Greg is starting to white-knuckle it.  I pry him out of the car and ignore his protests as I enter the restaurant.  First, there is no salad bar.  Rather there are two pre-made salads.  It turns out that the one salad that we did eat was really good, even for having Italian dressing.  That, as it turns out, is the only nice thing I have to say about Cici's pizza.

They basically serve cooked dough here.  The sauce is a mere suggestion of a sauce.  I'm thinking that they use a flavorless red food coloring.  The cheese is spotty and well they have perfected the technique of using no cheese and making it look like some cheese.  What we end up having then is bread with various illusions of toppings.  Yes Virginia, there is such a thing as bad pizza.  My taco pizza....a myth.  They never put any out, but I doubt it would have been of any different flavor.

That being said, kids are dumb and will love it.  So, it is a good cheap place to take the dumb children that you might be raising.

Gordon Biersch - Boca Park

VERDICT:  I don't get the appeal of this place, but everyone else seems to love it.

It's hard to believe that I've only recently gone to Gordon Biersch.  This place is very popular.  Actually, I've heard reports that Gordon Biersch near the strip is actually a bit of a meat market.  Watching the mating habits of straight, young hipsters is actually pretty disgusting to me, so I've always avoided the place.

So, how did I end up there?  The Poo-Poo game™!  The Poo-Poo game™ is the smartest thing that I ever invented, although I think I need to rethink the name.  The Poo-Poo game™ is used whenever two or more people want to go out to eat (it can work for eating at home too though).  It used to be that when Greg and I had to choose a place to eat, we would end up in endless repeating cycles of saying "I don't know.  Where do you want to eat?"  Greg then would expect me to rattle off restaurants until I named one that pleased him.  The problem was that I could go through the entire phone book, showering him with the name of every restaurant and still he wouldn't hear anything that he liked.  What a princess?!?

The Poo-Poo game™ is easy to implement and take care of all that BS.  It's as simple as making a suggestion and when the other person disagrees with or "poo-poo's" that selection, you say "You poo-poo'ed, now you choose."  Greg hates this, because I'm no longer showering him with choices.  It makes him come up with suggestions, too.  If I don't like his suggestion, I also have the option of poo-poo'ing him.  It goes back and forth until no one poo-poo's.  Of course, one of the rules of the Poo-Poo game™ is that you can't repeat the same restaurant twice.  As an added bonus, if the other person names a restaurant that they know no one likes and it is not poo-poo'ed, it becomes a game of chicken.  Who is going to cave and admit that they want to poo-poo it and come up with another suggestion?  This really is the most democratic way of restaurant choosing.

Anyway, it was the Poo-Poo game™ that made us end up at Gordon Biersch.  It was Greg's suggestion and I've secretly always wanted to try it and see what the fuss was about.  OK, first, I have to admit that I thought it was a German restaurant...it isn't.  It has German beer and that is the extent of the German-ness.  That's not a bad thing.  I'm not a big fan of bland sausage with soured cabbage followed by a flavorless, sugar-dusted, dry pastry for dessert.  Instead they have an assortment of pub food and some restaurant items bordering on Applebee's territory.

I confess, I didn't have a restaurant item, which might have been delicious, but I didn't want to spend a lot of money and while they were not that expensive, I just wasn't even in the mood for moderately priced food.  I ended up have the Kobe Beef Burger.  I have had Kobe beef before, in steak form.  I actually had it in Japan and it was amazing, tender and flavorful.  I couldn't imagine what Kobe hamburger would taste like.  The hamburger that I got was dry and flavorless.  I've read elsewhere that their burgers are notoriously dry.  Greg got the corned beef sandwich which was good, but you could get better at a pub for less.

Their notorious garlic fries were unremarkable in my eyes, but they take great pride in them.

I'm sure the restaurant food is better, but for good pub food, find a local pub!

Firefly* Tapas Kitchen and Lounge on Paradise

UPDATE:  This place moves and gets closed down a lot.  I'm not sure what current locations are open now.  It is a Las Vegas favorite despite a list of health violations longer than a Tolstoy novel.  Seriously though, it's worth the risk to your health.

VERDICT:  There is something for everyone here.  However, it just might be a little too trendy to go to on a Saturday night.

Tapas is/are....hey is tapas plural or singular?  Tapas are small dishes traditionally served with alcoholic beverages.  Basically, does anyone remember "grazing"?  It was a so-called fad in the 80's of going to a restaurant and only having a bunch of appetizers.  Well, this is grazing Spanish style.  I love it.  I always want to go grazing, but Greg thinks that every meal has to have a main course.  This way, Greg doesn't know what hit him.  He doesn't know he is grazing.  It's great, you get to try a bunch of different food.  Some of the dishes we tried included the bacon wrapped stuffed dates, which came highly recommended.  They were good and caused Greg to sound like a food critic when he said, "They ended with a lovely sweet note."  OK, OK, I added the word "lovely", but he really said "sweet note".  He's becoming a regular .... um, I now realize that I don't know the name of a single food critic.

We also had the ham and cheese croquettas.  Wow, they look like something you would get at Arby's but they taste like something that you would get in heaven.  The mushroom tart was also good, ending with a hearty note (I say stuff like that too.)  We also had some of someone's paella, which I loved, but Greg didn't because he couldn't really identify everything in it.  Some sort of fish threw him off I think, but it didn't taste fishy at all.

The problem with this place was that it is super trendy and we went on a Saturday night.  Crowded is all right, but I don't like restaurants that are designed to reverberate noise.  The place was loud.  I don't really like shouting at people just because they are sitting across the table.  I enjoy quieter atmospheres.  Perhaps the one downtown at the Plaza has a quieter design, I'll have to check it out.

Firefly* Tapas Kitchen and Lounge on Urbanspoon

Garduño's at the Fiesta Casino

 VERDICT: Bland Mexican food that your ancestors from 1800's Ireland would enjoy.
Update: I've changed my mind.  Read the updated post here.

This place is consistently voted as best Mexican food in Las Vegas.  I'll admit it.  I don't know what makes real authentic Mexican food, but if this is it than I don't like it.  This is the blandest Mexican food that you can find.  Perhaps that is the secret.  I think spicy food scares a lot of gringos.  This is certainly non-threatening food in that the only spice they apparently know how to use is salt.

Greg's mother, who thinks that steamed carrots are spicy enough, loves the place.  She, by the way, once referred to a bell pepper as very spicy and refers to mild salsa as "burny hot".

I seemed to remember something made with ground beef reminding me of McCormick taco seasoning mix, the same mix my mother used to use in the 70's when Mexican food was still considered exotic, rather than a staple.

 If the thought of eating a jalapeño terrifies you, than this is the Mexican restaurant for you.  Eat there with this in mind:  There is a lot of flavor in spicy food.  You must train yourself to tolerate spicier foods, but the reward is delicious...well that and possible digestive ailments.

Revisited: check it out here.

Pizza Hut - Lunch Buffet

UPDATE:  RIP Pizza Hut pizza buffet.  Out of business.  I guess I'll have to travel to the 80's to try you again.
VERDICT: An genuine 80's experience right down to the price.

If you are looking for a review of Pizza Hut, you are an idiot.  Everyone knows what Pizza Hut has and tastes like by now.  If you have bad service or experience at a Pizza Hut chances are that in a month it will be different anyway because of turnover.  I guess you can critique management style.  All in all, I find that most Pizza Huts are the same and if they aren't they become the same eventually.

I'm here to talk about their lunch buffet at this particular pizza hut.

You have a small window during the week to get to this Pizza Hut to experience the Pizza Hut lunch buffet.  These were a lot more popular in the 80's when almost all the Pizza Huts were more than just a take out counter, but they all had dining rooms as well.  In fact, I recommend dressing in your best 80's attire when visiting this Pizza Hut.  The atmosphere is a shining example of the pinnacle of conservative 80's decorating.  They have green glass lanterns hanging from plain gold colored chains.  Fake spider plants and fake ivy are scattered throughout and the tables are the traditional particleboard with obvious fake wood grain laminated on top of it.  They even have a clock that says time for pizza and the second hand zooms quickly around  every 5 seconds.  Of course, the actual time on the clock is wrong.  I'd say this is the perfect place to bring someone that has romantic notions about the 80's.  This is what it was really like, not tubular, not awesome, but rather a restaurant's attempt of recreating the atmosphere of someone's poorly decorated study.  Heck, take the kids for a history lesson.

It is $6 without drink.  The drink is where they get ya!  It comes with a salad bar and a pizza bar with pasta and breadsticks.  They are pretty good about getting pizza out, but you got to fight the other people to get to the fresh stuff.  They're pretty greedy there.  Greg saw a lady take six pieces of a fresh pizza.  What the???  I think I had three pieces max with a salad and I felt stuffed.  I managed to cram one more piece in though because of the buffet mentality.

7000 W Charleston Blvd
Las Vegas NV 89117

(702)363-3612

Hours posted above

Feast at Santa Fe Station

VERDICT: One of the better local casino buffets if you choose wisely.

I've been harsh to "Feast at Texas Station", however, Feast at Santa Fe Station is subsidized by slot machines that never pay out.  This affords for higher quality food than at Texas Station, which inexplicably also has slot machines that never pay out.  With a players card, the buffet at Santa Fe Station is a little more expensive at $14.99 a person, but how can you resist it when you always get 2 for 1 coupons in the mail.  Keep in mind that if you gamble while you are there, the meal can end up costing you hundreds of dollars or in my case $40 in a matter of minutes at a penny slot.

I still don't like buffets.  I feel like I have to stuff myself like I'm getting away with stealing food from the casino.  I was surprised by the good quality of the following items:  Peel and eat shrimp, gourmet pizza with sun dried tomatoes, wontons that you can put in soup or eat by themselves, Chinese pork buns.

Here's a picture of the Chinese pork buns in a bamboo basket.

I was not impressed with their hot and sour soup or their carving station selections.  Greg said that the macaroni and cheese was also bad as he was trying to stuff more down his gullet.  I asked him why he was still eating it and he said that he didn't want to waste it.  I had to remind him that we weren't in China and to put the fork down.  One thing that we don't do is take large amounts of an item, so it wasn't a huge waste.  Ever see those people get excited by crab legs and they pile their plate to the ceiling, only to eat a few.  We don't do that.  Just take a little and if you like it you can have more later.  If it tastes like poop, well, you've only wasted a little bit.

After I finish a plate, Greg always asks if that is it.  Well, I'm full.  Why cause myself pain?  He subscribes to the get-as-much-as-you-can mentality.  I did manage to stuff in a few more wontons and a piece of pizza.  I'm turning into the fat guy you see at buffets and secretly think, "they shouldn't eat at a buffet," as you watch them finish plate after heaping plate of fried chicken.  Luckily, I go to buffets rarely so I'm not breaking any chairs under my immense weight...yet.

UPDATE: Return visits by friends has indicated that the quality is not consistent, sometimes good, sometimes bad.  I guess that is why they call it gambling. 

Roberto's

VERDICT: 24 hour restaurants are always a plus on this blog.  This restaurant comes with a delicious high-grease warning though.

I think that every city has a late night Mexican restaurant that every club hopper knows about and reveres.  This is that place.  It's the grease.  Drunk people love grease.  I have to admit after a night of drinking, nothing cures a hangover better than super greasy Mexican food.  Don't ask me how it works.  My standard hangover cure used to be Taco Time, but there is only one Taco Time in Las Vegas and it is too far away for me.  Also, I don't really drink very often anymore. 

Oh man!  Let's talk about Taco Time for a second.  Their food is not spectacular as a whole, but the crisp meat burritos, the taquito before taquitos were in vogue, are pure deep fried heaven.  I love Taco Time and miss it.  I love Taco Time so much that one day I even ended up in the emergency room vomiting blood apparently from Taco Time related food poisoning and I still went to Taco Time.

Greg was driving around one day and I saw that they were putting a Taco Time in my neighborhood.  I screamed like a woman getting a free car on Oprah.  It scared Greg, but he immediately understood that it was not an overreaction.  I was so excited to have Taco Time again.  I went it and the manager took my order.  I ordered a crisp meat burrito and mexi-fries.  He then snorted and said, "You know mexi-fries are just tater tots."  My shoulders immediately slumped.  Of course, I knew that mexi-fries were just tater tots (with fancy mexi-spice).  I love tater tots.  I loved them even before Napoleon Dynamite.  It was a sure sign that this Taco Time wasn't going to last, not if the manager is berating one of their better products.  When I got my crisp meat burrito, it was frozen in the middle and the mexi-fries were undercooked.

It went out of business within 2 months.

Anyway, Roberto's has it's own kind of atmosphere.  They have pictures of a lot of the food they have on a menu.  What gets me is that even on the pictures, they are still displayed on styrofoam plates.  I just figured that if they were going to have appetizing pictures maybe they could have a better display.  Even McDonald's has pictures of Big Macs on a cutting board surrounded by fresh vegetables on their menus, as if that's believable.

There are a lot of Roberto's in Las Vegas.  The problem with Roberto's is that they don't really have health food.  In fact, I would go so far as say that they have unhealth food.  I watched them prepare my carne asada nachos (the best thing on the menu).  Not only do they deep fry the already cooked tortilla chips, they also take out a ladle and dip it into the deep fat fryer and pour it on the chips!!!!  Now, that's flavor!  The healthy bonus, given as if an apology for all the grease, is the spicy carrots in their salsa bar.  They are delicious and help soak up the grease.

Many Roberto's are 24 hours!

Feast at Texas Station

VERDICT: Cheap through and through, price and quality.

I hate buffets. They are orgies of second-rate, poorly prepared food attended by the fat, the poor, and the "family-heavy". That sounds like I'm being snobby, but I fall into two categories myself.

The exception to bad buffets are the "gourmet" buffets in town which are expensive, but delicious.

Alas, we got a 2-for-1 buffet coupon at our local "Texas Station" Casino. Reluctantly, I went. This particular buffet is aptly named "Feast". On the way there, I kept saying, "What is this 'The Feast'?" I was disappointed to learn that it is simply called "Feast" as Greg pointed out.

Of course, there is no easy way to get to "Feast" in the casino. You must wander through the maze of table games and slot machines and observe the happy gamblers as you go. By "happy", I mean "intent" and by "gamblers", I mean "old people with oxygen tanks".

We arrived at "Feast" and were greeted with a Disneyland-esque, snaking-line formed by shiny brass rails. Luckily, it was only half as long as it could be and we made it through within 10 minutes.

"Feast" has food from "around the world". OK...OK the actual name of the place is "Feast From Around the World." I prefer to call it just "Feast". By "around the world", they mean America, China, Mexico, and Italy. I guess that really does represent the world in its entirety. They left out Kazakhstan, but who likes food from there. Also, they have a section named "Salad Bar", so they have America, China, Mexico, Italy, and Salad Bar...oh and Dessert.

I started my adventure with Mexico. Apparently, potato skins are a mexican food. I took one with some sour cream. I also took one of the in-vogue taquitos. When I was growing up, I don't think I ever even heard of a taquito and now they are everywhere. What is the next mexican food craze going to be? I wonder.

At Italy, they had pasta and pizza. I took a piece of pepperoni pizza. The pasta was premixed with the sauce. I don't know why, but pasta premixed with the sauce can only mean one thing, Chef Boyardee. Nothing against the fine culinary skills of Chef Boyardee, but Chef Boyardee and raw conch are the only two foods that actually make me vomit when I taste them. Conch just tastes horrible with a horrible texture. It's like eating someone's tongue that has been soaking in sea water at low tide. I know you think it is mean of me to describe it, but I'm the one who ate it while trying to be polite in front of the people who bought it for me. I tried to swallow it, but kept vomiting it up back up into my mouth. I kept hoping no one noticed me turning pale and having tears stream down my face. Definitely, it was one of my worst food experiences. Another bad food experience was with Chef Boyardee. In third grade, we were working on paper mache when the girl sitting next to me vomited. Mixed with the art project paste, it smelled of sweet and sour bile. When I asked her what she ate, she said Chef Boyardee and pickle juice. No wonder she vomited. Now I vomit, too.

I skipped America where they had corn-on-the-cob, corn bread, and other corn products. I got some of the chicken-fried-rice from china along with some chicken chow mein and a chicken egg roll. Greg got some lemon chicken. They also had some sort of chinese bbq chicken too. I guess they really like chicken in China. They like chicken in Mexico, too. It turned out that my taquito was a disappointment in that it was chicken as well. Maybe they don't like chicken that much, but the casino sure does like chicken for its price.

The worst thing by far was the rice. It was cooked perfectly, but was the worst tasting rice ever. Greg had the spanish rice and he asked if it tasted sour. "No little Greg, it is just the cheapest rice they could find. Cheap and bad." Skimping on rice, how cheap is that?

The next two lands I visited were Salad Bar and Dessert. I got a salad and some dessert, both were OK.

I feel like I need to get my money's worth or get away with as much as I can. Basically, once you pay admission, it's free. The two problems are that I don't like the food and I don't like to feel really full. I'm perfectly happy with a similarly-priced hamburger or even a cheaper taco. I don't feel hungry afterward and I don't feel like a bloated pig either.

Tournament of Kings

VERDICT: It's liked force labor with bad food.

OK, I know this is on the strip and these are off the strip restaurants, but what local hasn't been tempted by dinner and a show?  You've been warned.

So, Greg's parents were very kind in taking me to the Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur Hotel and Casino in beautiful Las Vegas.

This was a belated birthday gift and I really did appreciate it. The tickets are $55 each and that includes dinner. Let's talk about the food first. Actually, let's talk about Greg's mother first. I call her the dairy queen. Before leaving, she made sure to put a ziploc full of butter in her purse as well as a ziploc full of ketchup. She heard that butter was not provided and being that she occasionally eats just plain butter, well that is just not acceptable. Who thinks of things like this before going out to dinner? This isn't the first time she's done it either.

So, dinner consisted of a small serving of tomato soup...oops I mean Dragon's Blood soup served in a little plastic bowl that you drink out of. Next comes a cornish game hen, cold broccoli, a slightly stale dinner roll, and three large freezer burnt potato wedges. All of this you eat with you hands. The cornish game hen was actually not bad and I don't like cornish game hen.

The beginning of the show consisted of Merlin and a small man showing the audience the proper way to cheer. I hate audience participation, let alone participation the requires pre-determined cheering. We were required to yell "Hazaa!" and raise our hands. We were required to pound the table with our hen-greased palms. We were required to raise our drinks, say "Hear, hear", take a sip and then say "ahhh". We were also required to cheer whenever our section was mentioned. We were sitted in "Hungary". Each section was given a king. Everyone cheered when their king was presented. When France was presented, the rest of the crowd (not in France) booed. I personally don't like Parisians, but the people that I met from Lyons were quite nice. I think the France-hating thing is old. A lot of people don't even know why they are suppose to hate France. Next come the wenches, obviously all former cheerleaders. They would stand in front of you and "encourage" everyone to cheer the correct cheers. It was like having your own private Nazi watch over you. If you didn't cheer, you were singled out and given a stern look. Then the kings had a tournament that included jousting. Interesting to note that the King of Russia was a cheater. He would hit people when they were down and pull dirty tricks. The winner was the King of France, to my personal satisfaction.

The kings whenever they rode or walked by their section would try to get their section to cheer. Our king, the King of Hungary, would just smile and shout "Hungary". I noticed that the King of Austria would look at his subjects and simply glare at them and wave his hand upwardly to get them shout louder. We had a good king even though he performed horribly in the tournament.

Then there was the King of Dragon, who wasn't in the Tournament. He could shoot fire from his hands and therefore was my favorite. He of course ended up being killed. We were reminded by our Nazi Cheerleaders to "boo" him at the appropriate times. Secretly, I was cheering for him though.

Then there were acrobats, a coronation, and some indoor fireworks to round the deal off.

Phở Little Saigon

VERDICT: OK, but 24 hours, so always a plus.

This place is a little cafeteria-like, odd, and dirty.  It needs a hosing off.  That being said, if you are craving Phở (Vietnamese noodles) at 4:00AM, this is the place.  I really don't expect Vietnamese restaurants to be too clean especially when they have really low prices and a huge selection.  I've only ever had the plain Phở, and am always jealous of one of my friends who gets the #96 or #ninety-something which is a sampling of food in a bowl with a salad at the bottom.  Clearly, I don't know Vietnamese food at all.

Atmosphere:  Dirty cafeteria feel with pictures of food with numbers on the wall that are peculiarly out of place and don't match the numbers in the menu. 

24 hours!!!
3775 Spring Mountain Rd
221-2111 
http://www.usmenuguide.com/pholittlesaigon.html

crEATe - Restaurant or Cult?

UPDATE: The cult must have met their alien leader.  Now out of business.

VERDICT: Expensive and odd.

 Greg was all about going to this new restaurant called "crEATe", which was basically a burger bar.  I've noticed it before as it is painted bright lime green and looks rather sleek.  We walked in and immediately became disoriented.  Greg turned to me and said, "Do you want to leave?", but he always says that in restaurants.  I swear to god, he's got some sort of strange phobia of new restaurants.  I stood my ground, because who wants to drive around saying, "I don't know, where do you want to eat?"

The disorientation came from the unusual layout.  There was a counter, but there is no menu visible above the counter as expected.  Instead the menu was behind us, against the wall, in the form of free-standing, black, electronic light boards.  The menus pretty much consisted of a list of different size burgers and a long list of burger ingredients.  Just as when I was starting to wonder how I was going to get my order from the complex menu all the way over to the counter, a man came out the greet us.

The man, who appeared to be a manager because of his age, quizzed us on what brought us in, "Was it the green paint?  You have a friend that has been here before?"  I think we just looked bewildered.  I don't remember answering the question.  I was just thinking that I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he chose a good paint color and I, just like everyone else, was drawn like a moth to the flame.  I just wanted to say, "We're already sold.  We're fatties, insert food now!"  Why do I have to answer a stupid survey, no matter how informal, when I do anything?

He explained the menu.  There were burgers that were already "designed" that could be simply ordered or you could make your own burger from the burger toppings menu.  The pre-designed burger menu had burgers named after art periods, "The Modernist, The Classical, The Renaissance, The Impressionist".  But the names were somewhat misleading.  The Renaissance had pineapple on it.  The Impressionist was their spicy, jalapeno burger.  They had a burger called The Dali (not a period, but rather an artist), that was inexplicably their southwestern burger.

The manager then explained that their were clipboards over by the counter, so we could circle our choices.  Then he kind of just stood there and stared blankly at us.  It became a little awkward.  I almost wished I had succumbed to Greg's restaurant paranoia and left earlier.  I looked to Greg and said, "well, let's go get a clipboard."

There really were a lot of toppings to choose from.  Nothing horribly gourmet, but the standard gourmet like bleu cheese, pineapple and chiles.  While we were deciding what to put on our burgers, which was actually quite a daunting task, a strange girl came around the corner, got right in our face and loudly declared, "The people at Nabisco have done it again!  This new chocolate Chex Mix is amazing."  This set off my crazy meter to the limit.  It wasn't what she said, it was the familiarity with us that she displayed; well that, plus the fact that she had chocolate Chex mix smudged on her mouth as she was shoveling in the last pieces that led me to believe she was off her rocker.

I replied, "Oh my!"  What am I, British?  I tend to say, 'oh, my!' a lot.  Anyway, I continued, "Do you work for Chex mix?"

"No, I just really like it."  She then went up to some people ordering at the counter and extolled the virtues of the new Chex Mix.  She returned to us a short while later to inquire if we had been here before.  We stated that we hadn't.  She explained that she worked here and that she was just here last night painting.  She claimed to really have been excited about the painting.  At which point, someone behind the counter, agreed that she was indeed very excited about painting.   Greg and I looked around, yet no one pointed out what was painted.  The walls were nicely painted, but it didn't look fresh.  The back wall had a lot of writing on it  saying junk like peace, life, sand...I don't know...new age junk.

The thing that got me was that she wasn't working.  She was just hanging out, eating Chex Mix and raving about it to the customers.  At no point, did she offer me any Chex Mix.  She did later get into a uniform, but it wasn't for another 15 minutes.

This is what led me to believe crEATe was a cult.  Everyone was too cheery and slightly off.  The atmosphere was disorienting.  They had their own vegetarian burger made with brown rice...if that doesn't scream cult, I don't know what does.  On their website, there is a news story that states, "Employees learn customers' names so they can personally greet them with a smile.  When Graulich gets a promising application, he said he will often observe the person at their current work site. It tells him whether that person is right for Create.  'You can't train personality,' Graulich says."

My burger was good, but Greg's burger was phenomenal.  He's the best chooser, that's why I make him make all of my sandwiches.  He then confessed that he had been there before and left because he didn't want to order food at a counter.  He rather be waited on.  Is that picky, or what?  I guess that's what makes him such a good sandwich maker.

http://www.createburgersandcustard.com/
7290 W Lake Mead Blvd.
586-0430

Lindo Michoacán

VERDICT: Slightly overpriced, but good Mexican food.

This place has won the Las Vegas Review-Journal Poll's best of Las Vegas award every year since 2004.  I think that poll is rather lame, because I know quite a few crappy places that have won the award.  I'm pretty sure best Mexican restaurant was Taco Bell when I first moved to Las Vegas.  That can certainly tell you what a dearth of local flavor Las Vegas has.

This place basically claims to present the cooking of nuns from Michoacán as interpreted by Javier.  My impression is that this area has more subtle flavors than other areas.  I had the Enchiladas de Mole con Carne for $15.95.  The mole wasn't an overpowering flavor, but accented the enchiladas nicely.  The steak was pounded thin and delicious.  I thought there was too much cheese in the enchiladas.  I honestly thought that "too much cheese" wasn't a phrase I would ever use, but here we are.

Greg had Pollo Sarandeado Estilo "Tia Esther"™ for $14.95 which is described as grilled chicken breast basted with sarandeado sauce, a selection of dried chiles, secret spices and blended with a touch of mayonnaise.  It was basically a couple chicken breasts with a light flavored oily sauce on it.  It was OK, but not big with the flavor (needed more chiles).

Our entrees came with fideo soup, which was suspiciously a lot like Lipton dried noodle soup with tomato flavoring added.  However, it was good.

Atmosphere:  It was typical restaurant atmosphere.  There was a man with a large mustache singing Mexican songs with a Casio, so bring dollars for tips.  He had a good voice and every once in a while one of the bus boys would try to get close to the mic to sing a few words along with him.

There are these annoying stickers on the corners of all of the tables.  I feel I have to mention them, because they stick out like sore thumbs when you are there.  They look a little like this:

 Multiple locations in Las Vegas, check out the website for details:

http://www.lindomichoacan.com/

Krung Siam

VERDICT: Typical Thai, but the only Thai open 24 hours! Really it is only open until 6:00AM.  That's close enough to 24 hours for me!

A Thai Restaurant open late in Las Vegas?  You would expect to find this in Las Vegas, but really late night restaurants off the strip are rare, unless they are a crappy pub serving deep fried sandwiches with fries.

This place rocks at 4:00 AM!  Their Tom Yum soup is delicious and flavorful.  We ordered our spiciness at a "5" out of "10" and we could have gone higher.  Thai food can get very spicy...so much so that even spice lovers can shy away from going all out, but they seem to tame their spiciness for gringos.  If you like jalapeños, I suggest a "7".  If you like habaneros, might as well go to "10".

Thai beef jerky is a must have for anyone.  It thick pieces of meat that they deep fry!  What they take something great and make it greater?!?!  I know....yum.  It's flavor is greatly complemented with a pinch of sticky rice, the traditional way to eat Thai beef jerky.

They have a typical Thai selection with prices around $9 - $15, which is typical for Thai food.

Atmosphere: Well, when I went at 4 in the morning, they were blasting Thai karaoke even though nobody was singing.  By blasting, I mean we had to shout over each other.  We asked them to turn it down, which they did happily from a volume of "10" to a volume of "9.5".  It is otherwise clean and cozy.

The sign reads open until 6:00 AM.  Who wants Thai food for breakfast anyway?

3755 Spring Mountain Rd
735-9485
24 hours!

Café Verdi

VERDICT: Cheap, but good pizza (that will kill you)

This is cheap pizza.  By cheap, I mean not expensive.  OK, maybe it isn't the best quality.  The pizza is really greasy, which is a sign of inferior ingredients. But yum!  I think the flavor of the sauce and the quality of the pepperoni make a pizza.  They make up for the inferior cheese by giving you a lot of it.  $6.99 for a one topping 16" pizza for pick up only is all I ever need.  They also have specialty pizzas including greek and spicy buffalo pizzas.

But there's more, I tried the garlic balls.  These have got to be the worst thing for you.  They deep fry dough and cover it with garlic and butter.  You get 20 of these artery clogging pieces of buttery heaven for only $2.99.  What??!?!  I know, I know, usually killing yourself with obesity induced diabetes is a little more expensive.  These are a must try.  They are to die for...literally.

They also have philly steaks, sandwiches, calzones and hamburgers, but I can't ever get past the pizza.  Why order anything else?

Atmosphere:  OK, this is where we run into problems.  It's an undecorated beige and white blah-scape in a strip mall.  It also has a strange smell that comes and goes.

All the workers appear to speak some Eastern European language that I can't quite make out and they have anti-evil eye protection on the walls.  They are all extremely friendly and well, they make damn good pizza.

5861 W. Craig Road
369-9511
Mon-Wed 10-10
Thu-Sat 10-12
Sun 12-12

My personal restaurant blog

I’m so sick of trying to find restaurants in Las Vegas only to get inundated with a million suggestions on the strip and a list of crappy chain restaurants scattered throughout the city.

Las Vegas needs local restaurants that aren’t for high rollers. I’m also sick to death of chain restaurants that try to ooze local flavor by putting road signs inside or putting buckets on the table. Apparently, good eats looks a lot like a Louisiana garbage dump.